Seth 359
Give and Take and Two More Concepts on Change
Tuesday Jan 29, 2008
8:30 P.M.
Seth… Good evening. A pleasure to have all of you here. Some small bits of housekeeping that we will take up. First, we shall deal with some book reading. Kaetorina, you are to tell the man through whom I speak, you know the book you gave him?
Stephanie… Yes.
Seth… He has till Father’s Day.
Stephanie… Really?
Isabella… What book is that?
Stephanie… I can’t believe it; you knew I was going to find that other copy in my house.
Seth… We shall proceed from there. Second of all to our friend Frank, you are responsible for typing this session.
Isabella… YES! (Laughter.)
Seth… Third, (To Isabella on her typing.) housekeeping, you now have three weeks.
Isabella… Excellent.
Seth… I’m just informing you if you will proceed to sift through your memory, what happened the last time? I would strongly suggest that you work a little bit at this.
Isabella… Frank, I’m really happy for you. (Frank was still in route in the car and listening to session on the phone.)
Seth… Let us now proceed, under our general category of Change (Isabella was chattering.) we have now, would you like to type this session as well?
Isabella… No Frank will.
Seth… I didn’t think so. Now under this general category of Change we have proceeded with the first two ideas, if you will, for the subject matter at hand. We have discussed the idea of crossing bridges, when to and when not to. We have discussed the individuals of how you are to look at each other or with each other in a specific direction. Questions certainly may be asked on those two points, but we shall start delving into others.
Let us understand, one grows up in this physical plane and the perceptions of other individuals require that you deal with these souls in certain times and aspects of your own existence. Commonly when people disappoint you or upset you the tendency for most people is to become defensive. Other individuals who are on the other side when you deal with them, they will either make excuses…
Jasmine… The ones that disappoint you? Is that what you mean?
Seth… Yes, but try to keep the questions to a minimum, please. They disappoint you and they will either “yes” you to death or become sarcastic with their humor and they become passively aggressive in their actions. Most commonly, people sit and wait for these types of souls to react to something that they have done. One must be careful if you will that the idea of allowing individuals to victimize you is self-defeating. One commonly will see the idea that nothing pleases these individuals. No matter how hard one attempts to solve their difficulties they find that something is wrong. The individual, the person who takes your hand and then touches your heart is indeed a true friend!
If we examine the idea of true friendship one must come to the conclusion that friends themselves must be responsible for their actions as well as their actions towards you. If you are in error, making poor choices it is the friend’s responsibility to point out that which they see as a challenge and an opportunity for you. Individuals have stated this as constructive criticism yet; I do not choose to observe or view these actions with the idea of criticism. When a true friend is invested in you their concern is to promote and develop a stronger relationship between themselves and the individual they are befriending. Criticism here does not imply the idea of befriending someone. A good friend will make sure that you understand that which they see as an obstacle for your own growth and development.
Now, there must be a true give and take between “the friends”. Change occurs by the simplistic idea that two individual souls view a situation differently from each other. The question arises if one defines the idea of friendship as a truly helping situation then of course there must be differences in how one relates to someone else. Friendship itself demands truthfulness! One cannot deceive a friend and expect kindness and love in return. It is the deception, even a small one, that creates strain between individuals. As an example, here, someone may ask, “How do I look in these clothes? Does my haircut look well? Am I doing the right thing?” The answer is simple if in your opinion the individual is making an error in judgment no matter how small then of course it becomes mandatory for you to touch their heart and tell the truth as you see or understand it and that last part of our sentence is vital, that last part of our sentence is vital to allowing change to occur!
Change cannot occur when one individual is being deceived by another. What occurs eventually is anger and frustration. The human condition as it stands at this point of reference abounds with deception. One hears and sees news reports where this idea is all too common. As an example, the French banker, stock trader if you will who lost seven billion dollars is an example of deception. The individual who does not state that your friendship depends upon your agreeing with me is in an active state of deception. Why would one individual seek to attempt enlightenment by having someone agree with you is indeed limited by their own need for self assurance.
Now, change occurs often in a difficult or disastrous manner when one individual truly finds out about the other. When you find out what the person’s personality truly is you then find yourself in a position quite common on the physical plane of detesting the other. An example of this may be seen with Kaetorina and her friend who victimized her in relationship to when her husband and Stephan were aboard a boat. Her viewpoints of this friendship will never be the same because of deception. The question is here whose heart was touched and how was it touched?
It is an interesting sidelight to change that one must now concern themselves with, how many of you think of what you truly have? How many of you ponder the complexities of your own existence in terms of prosperity, happiness, enjoyment? The answer, I dare say, is few of you. Yet, from the opposite standpoint how many of you ponder the idea of what you do not have? How many of you are concerned on a day-to-day basis even on a moment-to-moment basis with the idea of what you miss, what you do not have? Will I find a new job? Do I have what I desire? Will there be enough money? Will my friendships be true and lasting? Will I make a mistake and have to repeat the lesson over and over again? All these questions must now be brought into focus so that you as an individual may learn to change your perceptions of what you truly have.
Let us examine this idea when one contemplates these notions. How many of you on a moment-to-moment basis contemplate what you need? I dare say none of you. Yet how many of you focus your existence on want? When one focuses their existence on want you will always be deprived. Individuals who do this commonly require major assistance from others for they honestly believe they cannot when in truth they will not. Individuals must learn to take responsibility for their own existence! This is where the idea that I have promoted springs forth: You are what you create! Individuals who are truly happy, content find change preferable to stagnation.
Individuals who want, find change abhorrent. The change that is abhorrent is due to the fact that fear is their partner. Fear destroys your own ability to function, you cannot listen to others, do not know whether they are friend or foe. You seek opinions from as many individuals who will listen to you as possible. You never trust yourself even when you know you are correct. Underline that, even when you know that you are correct. How can one trust themselves when all you see is want?
The most contented individuals know that the change will be for the better. They promote change by making themselves available to the others by allowing themselves the freedom to fail. It should be noted here that failure is preferable to stagnation. When you know that one path is impossible or too difficult one looks for a way around and if it isn’t one road you will find it on the other. In your individual lives one moves yet you do not see because you are biased against yourself. You fear that that which you do not know or understand. You are concerned only about what is lacking in your life. One then views the universe as a machine that provides only horror.
Now, each of you must attempt to find friendship wherever you can. Change the way in which you perceive yourself. Are you rich or poor? Happy or sad? Are you filled with prosperity or are the physical plane ideas of wealth paramount within you? As an aside here one must always be aware that there is nothing wrong or evil about money. Yet when wealth and accumulation becomes primary the difficulties that arise because of this are obvious. One must attempt to look at the physical plane and see that it is magnificent to see that you may attain and have everything that you desire if you are willing to create it even if the task seems monumental. It is the fear of not attaining one’s goals that causes individuals to view the situation as impossible and therefore they do not even try.
The good friend encourages the other and pushes when necessary. The good friend discourages and prevents when it is obvious that that is the correct thing to do. Does one have or are you a have-not? What type of a friend are you? Are you satisfied with self? How do you perceive the others around you? What will you do to change? What will you do… to change? These questions must be answered by all who inhabit the physical plane. Let us all work together to promote prosperity! It is not how you do something that truly matters it is the experience that you gain by doing that assists you along your journey. Become a friend, touch someone’s heart, contemplate on what you have and your existence will provide you with that which you need. I believe that at this point we shall take a break.
Seth… Let us continue: We have now dealt with four of the six ideas that I have chosen to bring forth. Are there any questions on any one or all of those ideas?
Shanna… Yeah, I have a question. When a friend is, when you’re saying that if you believe like a friend is doing something wrong and you should be telling them, how do you differentiate if it’s your opinion verses what’s factual?
Seth… By simply stating this is my opinion. This is what I see. You will always try to preface any comment that you would make to anyone whether it be a husband to a wife, a wife to a husband, “This is where I am noticing. This is what I am seeing. This is what I am observing.” For that is exactly what you are doing is it not?
Shanna… Even if it’s unsolicited?
Seth… Let me ask you a simple question; if you see a child running down the hallway in school looking over their shoulder and not watching where they are going is it not incumbent upon you to stop the child?
Shanna… Yeah.
Seth… If you notice something that a friend is doing that you believe in your opinion is detrimental to them whatever that thing is if you will, is it not incumbent upon you to nicely point out to the friend, “This is what I am observing. You may not be aware of it, or you may be aware I am not sure that you are doing something.” For if you do not say something and then the person suffers who’s also suffering?
Shanna… I would be.
Seth… I think you have your own answer.
Shanna… Okay.
Stephanie… So now are you saying this omission is what you would call a deception?
Seth… Yes, it is. It is a deceiving not only of yourself, but you deceived your friend. In other words, if you see a friend who chooses to gamble let us say and the gambling let’s say is not major, but they are losing sixty, seventy dollars per week. That may not change their lifestyle at all but after awhile the idea of winning and gambling starts to become pervasive and addictive. If you deceive your friend by pretending that you don’t notice, aren’t you omitting something from your existence as well as theirs?
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Go ahead.
Stephanie… Yeah, but if they don’t like it and they feel that’s…
Seth… That is their choice. In other words when you make a comment to someone it is just a comment, they don’t have to accept it or like it, they have to understand. That is your responsibility where you are coming from. For example, when you are dealing with patients, have you ever had a patient not like what you suggested?
Stephanie… Of course.
Seth… Now, would you not be deceiving them and omitting something from their therapeutic session with you if you decide they may not like this I’m not going to say anything?
Stephanie… Em hmm. Right, even though they wouldn’t see it as a deception?
Seth… They may not see it as a deception, but they will somewhere in their own being know there is something lacking, something missing because you cannot face an issue with anyone without having them understand what you perceive, even if they don’t like it. You understand?
Stephanie… Right, em hmm.
Seth… For example, here, one may look at the idea of the man through whom I speak and me giving him a book to read. Do you think he really and truly will like the idea that I am now dictating that he reads this?
Stephanie… No, he doesn’t, believe me. (Giggles.)
Seth… Have him read Frank’s notes, when he retypes them. By the way Frank you have three weeks.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Frank… Why are we getting so strict with time limits these days?
Seth… Because you don’t listen to them.
Frank… Time limits?
Seth… Yes. How long did it take you to do the last session?
Frank… I have lots of things going on.
Seth… I understand that and this session was quite easy for you to do. And of course, if you listen to Isabella no one will ask a question and you will be very happy. Do you have any questions, Isabella?
Isabella… Nope.
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Go ahead.
Stephanie… It’s not a long one though.
Seth… Make it a long one.
Stephanie… (Laughs.) Just where you stated individuals who need major assistance from others where they honestly believe they cannot when in truth they will not. They believe they cannot you’re saying in truth they will not?
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… If you said to the person, “No, you just will not,” would they understand, what does that mean?
Seth… Not without an explanation. In other words, if someone says, “I cannot do that!” the question is and arises, well will you even try? How do you know you cannot do something unless you attempt to do it?
Stephanie… What if their perception is that they…
Seth… That is the perception. When an individual says, “I cannot,” without even attempting anything it means they believe they cannot or will not. It is a concept of no, I’m not going to be bothered. Do you understand?
Stephanie… And underneath that is that they really feel that they are not capable of?
Seth… Either they are not capable of, they are afraid to push themselves, they believe that others should do it for them; all these factors are an important facet of their lack. Do you understand?
Stephanie… Yeah, usually it’s about that they are afraid.
Seth… It certainly plays a very large portion of their ideas. One must view the situation in terms of how do I go about eliciting a proper response from an individual who, says “I can’t.” My question is why don’t you try? And even if you do not succeed at least, you will have the satisfaction if you will of attempting. The scientist has a hypothesis. He does not know whether he can prove it or not, but it is the idea of attempting to prove something that gives him information. Whether that information is positive or negative is in reality valuable and that is what the person must understand when they say, “I cannot do that.” If you don’t attempt it, then how do you know? Does this make sense to you?
Stephanie… Yeah.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Isabella… I have a question regarding friendship. In regards to friendships and deception and kind of all we were discussing; it must be very difficult to find true friendship. I mean is it rare that you find true, true friendship with people that are unconditional and don’t deceive you? I feel like that has to be rare.
Seth… Let us start with looking at the idea itself. Most individuals that you know are in reality acquaintances. There are acquaintances no matter how close you believe you are to them because either you or they have put a barrier between you and themselves. Now that barrier may be truthfulness. It may be fear. It may be want or desire but there is something that separates you from them. A friend is someone who attempts to look over that barrier or knock it down if possible, as often as they can so the line of communication that you have between you and the other individual becomes clear. It is vital that you remember that good friends say things that you do not want to listen to. Notice here, I do not state that you will accept what they say. That is quite an important part of becoming a friend. You do not have to accept what they say but you must listen and understand. Remember a good friend tries to hold you in her hands and says to you what you would believe is criticism; I do not like the word here, as criticism. I disagree what you are doing because I feel for you so. You do not have to like what they say but you have to understand the reason behind what they say. Now knowing this statement, one must first turn to themselves. In your dealings with most individuals are you an acquaintance or a friend?
Isabella… Definitely an acquaintance.
Seth… Therefore, the answer to your question is that it is not common to have a true friend. The other question and a more important one is why are you not a friend? Why are you only acting as an acquaintance? Your responsibility at this table is to learn and to experience that which you can. From any point forward how often do you reread the material I have given you?
Isabella… I do occasionally.
Seth… The word is occasionally. And I could go around this table and for many of you, I know our friend Frank tends to reread these things; how many of you not only reread them but allow the idea to change you from inside out? We are dealing with a complicated series of events. You create what you are and what your existence is but if you are not satisfied with that existence and what you are you must change inside out. So, the question arises, what have you learned about friendship and are you going to stop being an acquaintance where you can and start becoming a friend. Does that answer your question?
Isabella… What if the person or the people that you try to become a friend to don’t reciprocate?
Seth… Then you know that you are an acquaintance, and you do the best you can. You cannot force anyone to do whatever. And you can’t force them to do whatever unless they choose to change. Now that does not mean one should stop trying. That does not mean one should walk away. If you have friends or you would like them to become friends or closer acquaintances, then one must learn to extend themselves. One must learn to speak on a phone. One must learn to speak in person. One must learn to ask for something even when rejected that is the key. If you do not attempt, you cannot succeed. Do you understand this?
Frank… When you see someone who is in a certain place and they need a friend so you befriend them and offer them this but then, they now don’t need that is it something then that you may let go? Can you just befriend anybody or…
Seth… Let’s look at the idea of a word, “Chance Encounters”.
Frank… Right.
Seth… You befriend somebody by doing something for somebody. It’s a quick start, middle, end and it may happen in a minute or less.
Frank… Right, so you can befriend somebody without making it this lifelong commitment.
Seth… Correct.
Frank… Okay, can you…
Seth… That is the essence, when one looks at the idea of which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.
Frank… Yes.
Seth… In other words, if you befriend somebody you’ve crossed a bridge.
Frank… Right.
Seth… Do you have to keep it there the answer is “no”.
Frank… You might cross another bridge.
Seth… And let the other one go.
Frank… What word would you use instead of “criticism”?
Seth… Language here is a very poor conveyor of the idea.
Frank… Group of words.
Seth… Even a group of words. When one hears or defines criticism one would say as a negative thought or perception. I would like to use the word therein of what you perceive; “I am perceiving you in this manner. This is what I am noticing.” That is what I clearly stated throughout the lecture this evening. When you perceive someone in a certain way, one will listen to you if you will say, “From my vantage point I see you doing this.” If you say, “This is what you are doing and this is how I’m seeing it,” that’s criticism and they are not going to go ahead and listen. That’s the object.
Frank… The other issue is that what if I am in error?
Seth… So?
Frank… If I say it is in my perception, then it’s just my perception.
Seth… Why do you have to be correct? That’s where you get lost within the forest. You try to over analyze that which your perception gives you. If you go ahead and state simply, “This is what I perceive that you are doing. From my vantage point I would not do this because of,” and you would state your reason. The person will say, “Well, thank you very much for telling me. I just disagree with you,” that’s fine. The person may say, “What do you mean about that?” and you explain further. The person may say, “I understand what you are saying, wait a minute, I was doing this because of… Does that change your viewpoint?” So, you may open a line of discussion and have an ability to expand your learning experience as well as theirs. But the second you say something in terms of I am criticizing you; I am critiquing that which you have done it ends because the individual there sees it as a negative viewpoint. And that of course is not what you want. You may say something to a friend, even a good friend where they may take exception to it. That doesn’t mean you should not say it. It is allowing for an open give and take.
Frank… I don’t know if this is a futuristic question. I had considered with my brother with whom I try and befriend, I was thinking about reading him the letter I wrote for my parents and maybe editing it a touch but basically reading it but I have been fearful that it would be more harmful then good, so I’ve avoided doing that. (The letter involved the idea of a creative explosion to better facilitate healing and change over time as discussed in Session 353.) Can you give me any help with this?
Seth… If you do not know if it will do good or harm, what have you, I have just described the person who does nothing.
Frank… You either fail or…
Seth… That’s not gain. It is not a question of futuristic anything.
Frank… At first, I was going to ask what would happen (Laughs.) so I changed the question.
Seth… You do not know what will happen until you do it.
Frank… I could of course ask him. Tell him that the letter exists and ask him if he would be interested.
Seth… Of course, that might be very appropriate.
Frank… Alright.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
George… I have a quick question about the…
Seth… How about a slow question?
George… A slow question about what you were talking about, the fear of not attaining one’s goals causing you to view a situation as impossible. Can you try any kind of direction when you are in a bad situation where you lose track of what your goals are?
Seth… Let us ask a simple question, when one loses their way on a road, a forest, in life one would tend to want to try and to gather information whether it be a map, a compass, information from others. So, the first thing that one must do is to when one feels lost is to go on a quest for information. The quest for information is the quotes here unquotes “map” of how to proceed. One can then, if they still feel lost, start redefining their goals. For example, have you ever read the book called “The Alchemist”?
George… Yes.
Seth… When are you rereading it again?
George… What am I doing? (George mumbled and there was general laughter.)
Stephanie… What did he say?
Frank… Now… Soon. (Frank laughs.)
Seth… And that will certainly help you redefine your dreams and goals. For that’s what exactly you require for yourself to do. You have to proceed and to find your own map. You are responsible for you and when you then go ahead and become responsible for self by redefining yourself on a day to day-to-day basis you will find that you are much more content.
George… I don’t know if you can even answer this but are there any like, can you give me any suggestions or directions? I feel I don’t even know where to begin to look or who…
Seth… Who is the most important… Here is the first question; who is the most important person in your existence?
George… Me.
Seth… Right, the first person you are going to look for guidance is from yourself. And you are going to do this by literally writing out what you see as your dreams, goals or what you would like to attain. And when you write this out you will then have a sense of how do I find this out? How do I find that out? What do I choose to do? What you are trying to do here is a very large task and you are trying to do this as one step. If you have ten-thousand bricks to move a mile, can you carry them all at one time and you have to do this by hand?
George… No.
Seth… So, you’re going to take a few of them in a slow and steady manner and move them from one area to another. The difficulty that you are having is that you are trying to move a thousand bricks at one time. I strongly suggest since you are not quite that strong you start breaking down what you believe are difficulties into smaller areas or lines of study and in doing this you will develop friendships and be able to change as you progress. Does that assist you?
George… Yes
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Frank… The idea of procrastination plays into the fear of not following up on your own goals?
Seth… Fear.
Frank… And that simply is all that procrastination is?
Seth… Fear.
Frank… Is fear. So, when somebody is not doing something or if I feel like I have things hanging over me…
Seth… Fear.
Frank… Just do it.
Seth… Get over it. Get it done with.
Frank… And get it over with. Cross it off your list.
Seth… Correct.
George… Does procrastination have to do with uncertainty also?
Seth… Well, that is fear.
George… Yeah.
Seth… You don’t know what so therefore do nothing. Are there any other questions?
Let me leave you all with this… Learn to touch someone’s heart. Learn to focus on what you have and not what you don’t. You will then be able to fulfill your needs as well as to assist others in fulfilling theirs. Fear, abandonment, missing things creates want and that certainly does not benefit any of you. I bid you all very fond good evening.
(Session ended at 10:09)
