Seth 390
Ridding, Giving, Receiving and the Problem of Over-Giving
Tuesday November 11, 2008
8:30 PM
Seth… Good evening.
Stephanie… Come to the table!
Seth… A pleasure to have all of you here. You may add one number on from last week on to there. And I believe if I am correct that each of you had a homework assignment to do except for Kaetorina and therefore I will not have her give the answer because I do not want to hear it at this point but I would like you Kaetorina to please summarize if you will the portions of last week’s session that you find pertinent to me asking the question why is it improper if you will to be too giving.
Stephanie… Okay do I get to go over it for a minute?
Seth… You may get to go over it; you may certainly do that. While you are going over it, do that, I shall allow a few questions that anybody might have. So, you may look at that and go on.
Frank… I want to ask a generalized question about…
Seth… Go ahead.
Frank… The election of Mr. Obama seems to have really jazzed things up, I’m seeing patients, I’m seeing in the paper a tremendous amount of fear, in addition to a tremendous amount of hope and I was hoping in just a generalized way a comment on the whole set of affairs and what is going on?
Seth… What would you like to know?
Frank… I’m not sure how to say this without making it future oriented.
Seth… That is the problem with the question.
Frank… Right, how about the possibility…
Seth… The possibility is future, keep going. You are going down a tube.
Frank… But there are many.
Seth… That’s why it is a futuristic question.
Frank… I’m also interested in this and I don’t know if you are going to answer this because it is his business. This soul what a tremendous honor and wonderful thing…
Seth… He is obviously a young soul, obviously wants power and authority.
Frank… Is that necessarily so?
Seth… Always.
(Isabella and Frank were talking.)
Frank… What about Abraham Lincoln?
Seth… You’re trying to put into an idea because someone is a young soul, they cannot be overwhelmingly good.
Frank… Or wise?
Seth… Or wise.
Frank… Lincoln was, I mean the way he wrote!
Seth… Why would you believe that someone who was a young soul…
Frank… Could not be wise?
Seth… Could not be wise?
Frank… Wisdom tends to be denoted with…
Seth… Is there anything such as time? Let’s start with that question.
Frank… No.
Seth… Then how foolish is your question?
Frank… It’s not that foolish actually.
Seth… It is because remember individuals who have spent a number of grand cycles dealing with this are certainly older and wiser. Because their soul age in this cycle is that of young…
Frank… So, the young soul can draw from that too?
Seth… It is not a question of drawing from that it is a question of experience. I told you once that when you were a youngster in the beginning when you looked at sports you only wanted to know who won and a who lost. As you got slightly older you looked at why did they win, and why did they lose. Your interest and depth applies layer upon layer the more times you have grand cycles. For someone who is wise may be wise for a young soul. That doesn’t mean anything.
Frank… So, there is never like a true Philosopher King who is an older soul who becomes King?
Seth… Most old souls have very, very little interest about mundane things.
Betty… Is there a meaning though in the fact that he was elected, some message?
Seth… Yes, it means that he got more votes than the other person.
Betty… That’s it?
Seth… There are enough possibilities there that you have to wait and figure out the reasons why. Let us get back to where we were going. Kaetorina?
Stephanie… Yes, you want me to summarize…
Seth… Summarize why, what was pertinent here…
Stephanie… Without giving away the answer?
Seth… And you may not give away the… why I have said that giving too much.
Stephanie… Okay without giving the answer.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… Alright, well first of all…
Seth… What was the session about? Let’s start with that.
Stephanie… Promoting self, recreating self, redefining self so that you can be successful.
Seth… What about the story?
Stephanie… Well, that was the meaning of the story. You want me to go into it?
Seth… No, I don’t want you to go into the story. I want you to simply lightly define the story.
Stephanie… Oh. Oh! I love the story. (The story of the carpenter and how he uses his trouble tree to not take his problems home.)
Seth… That is why we had to push her slightly in that direction. (Stephanie laughs.)
Stephanie… Yeah, I loved the story. First of all, I used the story, I don’t know yesterday, the day before. You know the idea of the fact that you do not have to hold onto negativity, that there is a place to put it that’s profitable which would redefine your old ways which would normally be holding onto negativity. And it is just the idea that you open yourself up to the choices that are available which will bring you to a higher place and open your options and redefine yourself. So, I think the story…
Seth… Fine. Now, going back to our homework assignment, knowing what last week’s lecture was and the brief summary that I allowed what we would like to do here is to go ahead and have you look at the statement itself and explain the statement and why you believe that becoming too giving can and often is a detriment.
You may go first.
Isabella… Well, I’ve been thinking about and when you are too giving, I think it takes away another’s chance to be giving in return and so therefore there is kind of no equity in the relationship if one person is too giving and the other is only receiving.
Seth… Betty?
Betty… I was pretty much in the same place that it unbalances the relationship and that in giving too much takes away the other’s possibilities of giving which can lead to feelings often of being taken advantage of, being taken for granted, giving too much time or doing too much. When you are thinking about someone else you are also taking away from yourself because you are creating your own imbalance. I kind of went into all the different ways that we give too much like giving someone the benefit of the doubt. And
because my mind went there, it takes away from my own ability to trust myself and the others of themselves.
Seth… Arthur?
Arthur… Does not promote self, exhausts resources whether financial or health or time and neglects my own ability to see.
Seth… Frank?
Frank… When you give too much you are literally taking away the other’s opportunity to create for themselves. So, you are taking their creativity away and that in turn (means) you are essentially hurting the other and you are also hurting self.
Seth… Jasmine?
Jasmine… I think that all the ideas expressed so far are accurate. According to the way I see it, it is definitely detrimental to the person who is on the receiving end. It doesn’t allow them to grow. They become dependent if you are too giving. They don’t see how they have to become independent and promote their own lives and for the person who is the giver, I think that it is in some way almost a neurotic thing that they feel that they have to do this in order to be loved or to be liked or fulfill some kind of emptiness inside of them. So, I think it is unhealthy for both parties.
Seth… Give the microphone to Kaetorina. What do you think of the answers Kaetorina?
Stephanie… They are all wrong.
Seth… Go ahead you’re on and then I will deal with those.
Stephanie… The answer is not actually about the receiver. It’s about the person who is doing the over-giving and in fact it means that the person who is over-giving is in fact being selfish to self. The idea that; let me get my bearings; it’s not…
Seth… It is difficult being the one who is lecturing, isn’t it?
Stephanie… Right, exactly. Well, okay, the idea here is if you are over-giving it is in fact to get something from the receiver. So, it has to do with being greedy. You are not giving of self because you just want to give out of kindness and assistance; you’re giving because you want back. So that’s why it is greedy and selfish, which of course doesn’t serve self. So, you are in fact victimizing self and the other because the giving is not genuine.
Seth… It is as if you were going to go ahead and buy something. You cannot buy loyalty, friendship, trust but the individual who over gives is an individual who is so insecure with themselves that if you asked them to describe their own self-worth, they will often find themselves lacking. Now, if you put this together with last week’s session you can go ahead and see how one is an integral part of the other.
Now, if this was a true classroom, I would ask each of you to write a paper on the combining of those two ideas. And I would suggest to our quote, unquote “therapists” here and to the patients here that they make a sincere effort to comprehend the degree of intermingling of the necessity to give and the necessity to rid the self of difficulties. For in reality, they are so closely related that they often cannot be separated.
Seth… You have problems Arthur?
Arthur… So closely related they are often they can’t be…
Stephanie… They often cannot be separated.
Seth… Separated.
Jasmine… Oh, that could get into difficulties?
Stephanie… For in reality, they are so closely related that they often cannot be separated.
Jasmine… The giving and the receiving?
Seth… No, the need to give…
Jasmine… The need to give…
Seth… I was answering your question.
(Everyone is talking.)
Seth… The need to rid. That being stated…
Jasmine… Hmm, can I just ask a question?
Seth… Yes, even if we have to forget tonight’s lecture, I will give it next week but go ahead.
Jasmine… So, if a person has difficulty with ridding themselves, like for example I have difficulty ridding myself of negativity.
Seth… Correct you do.
Jasmine… How is that related to my need to give?
Seth… Do you not give your mother an excessive amount?
Jasmine… Okay.
Seth… Do you not give your sister an excessive amount much to your own detriment? Do you not feel guilty and upset when you try to stand up for yourself because you cannot get rid of that which is truly bothering you?
Jasmine… So, in other words the need to give is in the over-giving, the need to over-give is connected to the need to rid.
Seth… Correct.
Jasmine… Because I was wondering whether if you can’t rid you can’t give?
Seth… That’s true too. The opposite just works as well as the original way.
Jasmine… I don’t understand that at all.
Seth… What don’t you understand?
Jasmine… You just said that it is the need to over-give which is connected to the need to rid.
Seth… If you have to rid yourself of everything…
Jasmine… Bad, bad things.
Seth… What can you give? The answer is nothing.
Jasmine… If you have to rid yourself of everything?
Seth… What do you have left for you?
Jasmine… Well, you are only getting rid of the things that are hurtful to you.
Seth… Not necessarily. The over-giver gives everything to themselves because they are buying…
Jasmine… Gives everything to others?
Seth… Others because they are buying and they are selfish because they have to buy everything back from what they feel is a lack of in themselves.
Jasmine… So, it is like the person I said is neurotic in…
Seth… I don’t care how you classify it. It is simpler to use the idea that you are selfish when you try to buy something from someone else at your own expense.
Isabella… I have a great example.
Jasmine… Okay.
Isabella… I have a co-worker, Diane, who always writes the plans and has everything run off in advance, like three weeks in advance. And she purposely does this because she wants people to like her. It’s not because she wants to do it, she does it because she is basically over-giving, and she’ll run everything off and she’ll write the plans and then print them to everybody. I mean literally like almost crazy that she goes so far above. But she does it because she is looking for attention back, the praise back.
(There was some conversation from the group that is muffled.)
Isabella… I don’t know I’m just talking about the giving; I’m talking about the over-giving. (More conversation from Jasmine and Frank). To like her so she has to do that. That’s what she does and she’ll also tell people what they want to hear including gossipy information because she wants to get attention. She wants people to like her, constantly she does it.
Seth… Going back to the idea, when you try to influence others there are ways that you can approach this delicate matter without harming yourself. One must understand that the nature that most incarnated individuals have is the idea that they require love. (Isabella asked Seth to repeat.)
If you wouldn’t text, you would be certainly fine in taking notes.
However, their idea of love is not accurate. They do not define that which love truly is. One does not need approval to be loved. If one is rejected is love possible? When one feels rejected because of the way they were raised by their incarnated parents their need in reality their want becomes so strong that they sell themselves for the price of self respect.
(Isabella asked to repeat dictation and Stephanie did so.)
Jasmine… They are not really in self respect because they lose self respect.
Seth… That’s exactly what I stated.
(There is unclear conversation between Stephanie and Jasmine.)
Jasmine… They sell themselves but it almost sounded like to me that they are actually giving.
Seth… No.
Jasmine… Doesn’t it? Didn’t it sound like that?
Seth… You attempt to get it by giving, which is the price of self respect which you cannot gain that way.
Stephanie… You may not…
Seth… They don’t see that.
Stephanie… Right, they think they are.
Seth… Of course. For example, here when Jasmine sells herself to her sister this is in reality her way of “buying”; put the word buying in quotes and underline it, of buying love and affection. And a question then arises, how successful is she in obtaining her desires? And the answer is not at all. Any individual who does this loses more than they could possibly gain. Individuals who do this become angry at themselves since they are in reality becoming a victim of their own wants. As in our example, I want to be close to her. I want her to love and respect me. Therefore, I sell myself by giving and the question that is asked is simple what have I gotten in return? It is clear that over-giving is a symptom of a greater dis-ease. The dis-ease is characterized by an emptiness within the self that cannot be filled from our soul’s perception of themselves, write down the word period, capital P there, Peroid. Since you cannot fill and complete yourself, your emptiness must be quote, unquote here “filled” by an outside source. A clear indication of this may be seen in the child who gives up their life for a parent or a woman who marries a man with superior wealth. She literally sells herself to obtain the comforts that she believes that she is entitled to. The same is true for a man who subjugates his own feelings and desires to a cruel boss who uses him as a victimized punching bag to increase his own stature.
So, I ask each of you what has truly been given other than the loss that these individuals feel. When they finally come to the conclusion that they must empty their pockets and throw away their problems before returning home then these individuals will have finally given themselves the gift of freedom.
Giving properly is indeed a blessing for it allows you to promote yourself. It gives you a feeling of inner warmth. It is the sunshine that radiates your entire being. This radiance encompasses all that you see and do. It makes others appreciate you and fills their lives with the blessings of a proper gift. Our soul who gives properly is indeed loved and cherished not because of what they give; underline that, not because of what they give but because of what they are! The idea that you can be seen as the light inspires others to follow your example. Most individuals joyfully accept that role. Indeed, you are in truth the master of your own fate since you cannot escape the blessings that you give to others and the greatest blessing that you give is of course to self knowing full well that it will be returned many times over.
I believe we shall take a break.
(Break at 9:10)
Seth… Jasmine, you obviously have some difficulty with these concepts.
Jasmine… Em hmm.
Seth… The need that you have…
Jasmine… Should I write this down? No just listen.
Seth… The need that you have is that which you define it as: I want, I need this from you, I require this from you. What you should do first when you have a need to do something, to put this simply is to very, very easily say, how can I fulfill this need myself? You don’t require anyone outside of you. It might be more fun to go to a movie with someone. Give us a moment… Do you remember an incident in a Chinese restaurant with soup?
Jasmine… Em hmm, oh yeah.
Seth… Why was not that feeling of I can have what I require to have when I require it not continued?
Jasmine… I don’t know it’s just; it’s not as easy for me to go to a museum by myself. Take the train, drive in whatever, walk around as it is, firstly I didn’t even recognize the fact that I could have the soup, that was the first thing. It was…
Seth… Just the same thing, I would strongly recommend that you first do things by yourself just to prove to self that you are self-sufficient. The individual who requires assistance tells the universe that they cannot. If you tell the universe that you can then you will. Do you understand that, Isabella?
Isabella… Yeah, the individual who requires assistance tells the universe that they can’t.
Jasmine… But is there some problem, is there something wrong with attempting to find someone to do the activity at first and then if they can’t continue to do it on your own?
Seth… Which sounds more plausible to you? Jane, I looked in the paper and there is a wonderful exhibit in this museum. I know I am going to make plans by myself to go into the exhibit on such a day; can you come on that day with me because it might be enjoyable for both of us?
Oh, no I am sorry I can’t go on that day but can we go on this day?
I’ll be happy to change my plans.
But let’s assume that she can’t and does not chose to see the exhibit; your difficulty here is that you will not go by yourself. You will not do for self.
Jasmine… Right, it is very deeply ingrained.
Seth… That you require, this is what was taught to you that you require assistance to be happy. That you should write down because it is important that you require assistance to be happy. What does that tell you about you?
Jasmine… That I can’t be happy within self.
Seth… That you do not have the ability to fulfill yourself.
Jasmine… Em hmm.
Seth… And the universe is constantly providing you with opportunities to fill yourself up. As an example, here, when your sister and brother-in-law victimized you, did you then confront your sister and say, “Why did you ever take all of my clothes out of my car and put them on the ground? How dare you do that.”
Jasmine… No, I didn’t do that.
Seth… “You will never do that to me again. If I am generous to you and you don’t respect me and my things don’t ever ask me to that again because the answer right now is, no!” Would you not have filled yourself up better than having your husband insist that your clothes were being ruined?
Jasmine… I knew that I was going to do something about it from the minute I got into my car that afternoon. I wasn’t depending on Jerry to tell me I had to do it. I knew I was going to do something about it.
Seth… You believe so.
Jasmine… No, no I absolutely was going to.
Seth… We will allow that to slide.
Jasmine… No, no I was already like I said to Stephanie, when I feel that feeling, I can no longer ignore that feeling of being used or abused or victimized. I no longer ignore that. It takes a lot for me to have to deal with it but…
Seth… Why do you wait to get there then?
Jasmine… I didn’t realize that they were going to do that. I didn’t, when I gave them permission to put things in my car, I didn’t realize that they were going to do it to the extent that my things might have been crushed, ruined, whatever.
Seth… You must look out for self first.
Jasmine… Right.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Frank… I don’t fully understand, I mean as way of example, this past week was a very pleasant week and…
Seth… What is wrong with that?
Frank… And it seemed to come just from I guess the idea of the tree, I didn’t have a tree, but I kept it in mind.
Seth… Then you had a tree.
Frank… Then I had, I mean, yes, I had a…
Seth… You’re just afraid of trees, let’s leave it at…
Frank… (Group laughter.) I have a problem with trees at this point. (Laughter because of Frank’s long difficulty pointed out by Seth as reflected by the idea of, “Not seeing the forest for the trees.”) Actually, I have a couple of favorite trees. Why does that work? I don’t understand.
Seth… Okay.
Jasmine… Why does what work?
Frank… It is simple as; I don’t understand why it pulls you up.
Seth… When you are ridding yourself of potential difficulty, when you revisit them, they are never quite as difficult as you imagined them to be. And since they are not as difficult, at least for you, you do not walk into this tree, walk into that root, fall down over a rock that you weren’t paying attention to, go the wrong way so when you don’t do these things and you have left the problems here and you walk back to them later you can pick and choose that which is necessary for you to deal with, therefore your week becomes less stressful.
Jasmine… Because you got rid of most of it, normally you would only rid some.
Seth… Let’s assume he got rid of five percent.
Jasmine… But it was better…
Seth… It was the five percent that he didn’t, that didn’t belong there. And if he got rid of thirty-five percent it would have been better.
Frank… So, then it just allows for the better use of your resources and higher functioning?
Seth… It allows you to function on a higher level. It allows you to look at your difficulties in a different way since you are not going to go ahead and be trapped by overanalyzing a problem or worrying about the problem. Then of course, you may deal with the problem. An example of that can be found with Jasmine as well, where she will believe there is a problem, whether there is or not matters not in this instance, but she becomes so embroiled in the worrying about it that the problem has now been given enough energy to materialize for her. So, it is easier to take the problem and put it over here and if I have to go back to it I will.
Frank… So, by worrying about it less then you are allowing yourself to use…
Seth… Find the writers.
Frank… use your writers in a better matter.
Seth… Correct.
Frank… And then can just build from this.
Seth… It does.
Aren’t you glad that I insisted you deal with the questions?
Frank… Yeah, I didn’t know if it was an appropriate question.
Seth… Wouldn’t that be for me and not for you?
Frank… Yeah, but some of the things I am working on. (Not clear but meaning trying to not get lost in the forest.)
Seth… I understand that, but where better than here?
Frank… Correct.
Seth… I did a very good job too. Are there any other questions?
George… I do.
Seth… Certainly… that’s enough.
George… I am having a lot of trouble right now dealing with balancing my life, pretty much every aspect of my life. I was wondering if there was any resource that I have not tapped into or getting advice in terms of balance and living, working, job and in life in a way that is not going to drive me crazy?
Seth… Working and having something drive you crazy…
George… I feel spread too thin.
Seth… is based upon what you believe you have to accomplish and in your work ethic you want to do a complete job and there is nothing wrong with that. But you also have to balance that with the idea of learning how to give and receive properly. You become very withdrawn into yourself and do not know how to open yourself up to yourself. Do you understand what I am saying?
George… No.
Seth… When one is closed off and one can not give…
George… Closed off to the outside world?
Seth… Yes, to the outside world which is of course part of you. You look at problems here and another problem here and another problem here and you lump them together and so that your plate becomes so full you cannot lift it. Instead of a journey where there is a starting point, a middle and an ending, you are just looking at the starting point which is where you are and chastising yourself for not being able to see the end. Well, if you break the problems down into much smaller parts you will be able to see the correct road for you. Yes, there may not be twenty-four hours in a day for you enough to accomplish everything but my simple question to you is why do you have to accomplish everything in one day? If you do a little something here and a little something here and a little something here and you put in your time, it is just as profitable for you to learn to relax and to give of yourself whether you are giving of yourself to another individual, a male friend, a female friend it matters not. Whether you are giving to yourself, allowing you to read for pleasure, whether you are giving to yourself looking at a television program for pleasure, whether you are going on your computer and just looking to research something; all these may give you pleasure but you don’t have to complete the job because when you do not complete the job you wall yourself off against everything around you. Do you understand what I am saying? You don’t know how to give and to receive properly.
George… You mean all of these can bring pleasure if I don’t have to complete the job of those things?
Seth… Or anything, in one minute. You try to finish exactly what you start, and you become disenchanted with the task because you can’t finish it immediately.
George… So, the thing then is nothing ever gets done.
Seth… Correct. Instead of saying I did the best I could today, I’ll do a little bit more tomorrow and I will do a little bit more tomorrow and I’ll do a little bit more tomorrow and in doing so you are giving yourself a path that you can follow.
George… You know, so it feels like it is inadequate?
Seth… It is inadequate by whose definition?
George… By mine.
Seth… That’s the problem. You become so enmeshed with yourself and what you believe is a failure, because this is how you were brought up, that you cannot give properly even to yourself because you know you are a failure. You cannot succeed. When you tell yourself, I can succeed, and I am worth something you will be able to give better. Does that make sense to you?
George… I am going to think through that.
Seth… I know you are going to think through that.
Jasmine… Can you repeat that sentence again? When you say to yourself, I can succeed.
Seth… When you can succeed you will give yourself and I am paraphrasing this, an opportunity to succeed. When you say to yourself this is overwhelming to me, it is too difficult what are you telling yourself?
George… You can’t.
Seth… And what happens? You don’t. You understand?
Are there any other questions?
Seth… Jasmine, how are you doing with your reading?
Jasmine… I started.
Seth… I know that, how are you doing?
Jasmine… I attempted to read some pages today. I thought I was going to have time, but I didn’t I am going to (Unclear.)
Seth… If you have to, write in a note in the margin of the book.
Jasmine… So, what…
Seth… Ask the man through whom I speak, write it down and ask me, ask our friend, Frank, ask Kaetorina. Those are your resources; I don’t see you asking questions either.
Isabella… I haven’t yet.
Seth… How is the typing coming, oh, you haven’t started. (Isabella said something in response.)
I know, be careful. (Group laughter.) And one last little bit of housekeeping here, how are the numbers?
Stephanie… Good before forty-eight hours ago.
Seth… We will deal with this later in unfortunate detail.
Frank… Is there any, this is in terms of organizing some of the thoughts here, for me to maybe assist Cyndi who tends to over give, is there anything in particular, I mean one concept would be to help her let go of her troubles, is…
Seth… Have you spoken to her about the last two lectures?
Frank… I have not.
Seth… Then I would suggest you do so. Why don’t we start with organizing that.
Frank… Alright. I have another question is my handwriting which is hideous, thank God I read the notes two or three days later so I can at least correct it and be able to read again. I wouldn’t be able to if I didn’t. Is that because I was so miserable at the time I learned how to write.
Seth… No, that is because you are in the habit of just scribbling.
Frank… Can I change that habit?
Seth… Sure, if practice your handwriting or you can volunteer to type every single session (Stephanie laughing.) and therefore you don’t have to worry.
Frank… That would be an example of over-giving way too much. (Some laughter. This was said a year and three months ago from the time of this typing and was tongue in cheek. Yet now I have volunteered to type or edit all of the lectures On Change in hope that some of this material is published. F.N.)
Seth… That would be for you to determine and not for me. Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… I just wanted to ask a patient question. This woman who has come to me, a seventy-year-old woman, are there other things that I am not doing with her, I just started with her that could be helpful? She has multiple issues and problems and all of that. You know, I am teaching her meditation. I am trying to help her visualize and get some control over her existence because there seems to be many things out of control, physically she is sick, financially there are all kinds of issues, her traumas from the past where she has observed these horrors. You know to empower her where she can have a different reality from everyone around her, she views, difficult.
Seth… The answer here is simple, control. She must bring her existence back to herself.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… And when she gains a modicum of control over what is going on around her, she is more able to understand that which she can cast aside, that which she needs to deal with and what fears she can let go of.
Stephanie… And that would include when I had said to her that she can’t take on her husband’s difficulties per say.
Seth… How can you be of help to someone when…
Stephanie… Right when she is having such difficulties.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… She is talking about the idea that she is always used to be in command of her life and now she feels out of control, that whole issue.
Seth… That’s the control that she has to bring back to herself.
Stephanie… Okay, now how does one do that when financially they are falling apart? Her husband’s business is over; they are figuring that whole thing out. She’s got this one kidney thing, medical difficulties.
Seth… The journey of a thousand miles as has been previously stated begins with the first step. You’re looking to put an end instead of working from the beginning. You take one small step.
Stephanie… Right so I am starting with…
Seth… That’s where she has to go, one small step.
Stephanie… Okay and so what I’ve started her with do you believe about what will assist her in terms of being in control?
Seth… Anything that gives her the ability to look and to work towards a proper ending will be good enough at this point.
Stephanie… That’s what I was feeling right away, to give her tools, to give her something to hold on to.
Seth… She must have the ability to, I can do this, but I can’t do that.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… I will challenge this, but I won’t do that.
Stephanie… Emm, okay so I am doing that.
Jasmine… For now, she won’t.
Seth… For now.
Stephanie… For now.
Seth… For now, you must start somewhere, just as I would tell you (To Jasmine) if you were going to start, the moment you feel victimized by your mother (When the mother says…) “You have to do something,” the question is why?
Jasmine… Why would I have to?
Seth… Why do I have to?
Jasmine… Alright.
Seth… And that is the first step you would have to take.
Are there any other questions?
Arthur… Yes, I wanted to ask about my client, Josh who has a diagnosis of Bipolar and there has been a lot of loss and a lot of turmoil. He’s working now on dreams. Dreams are coming to him for the first time, and I think my move to make to have him come twice a week is helpful to him. It seems to be helpful, but I am seeing kind of a quality of re-grieving or restitution in his dreams and I don’t know if I’m headed in the right direction or what my best…
Seth… His dreams are his own, it has nothing to do with you; it’s what he is working on.
Arthur… Yeah, but…
Seth… Remember, one does not look at the dream per say, it is the theme of the idea that matters so he is working on getting rid of loss or restitution or putting an end to something, making something better then of course he is headed to forgive himself as well as allowing himself to forgive others.
Arthur… And am I… it seems that I see restitution coming in there and I don’t know if I am imposing on him or…
Seth… No, you use language; you must ask a question, what do these dreams mean to you? Do you understand?
Arthur… Yes.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
George… And I have a question after this. Are the drugs I take work for me through my anxiety and my personality?
Seth… What do you mean works for you?
George… Like do they exacerbate my more destructive…
Seth… Do you believe in the drug?
George… Yeah.
Seth… Then they are not bad for you. It is your belief system that matters and since you are medically oriented, you are going to make them work. If you were Shirley Sarah (Jerry’s mother.) it would not work. Does this make sense to you?
George… Do they help in terms of what I want them for but also makes my anxiety…
Seth… Well, you know better than anyone else, are they making your anxiety worse? So, should you switch your drugs? Or is your anxiety coming from because you do not know how to give? And you certainly don’t know how to receive.
Isabella… I have a question about medication, the new medication that I am taking, I am hearing constant conflicting advice about whether or not I should actually be on it or not. My psychiatrist says yes, my psychologist says no.
Seth… Have you had them speak?
Isabella… Not yet.
Seth… Why not?
Isabella… Well, my psychiatrist didn’t ask to talk to my psychologist about it.
Seth… Did the…
Isabella… My psychologist wants to talk to the psychiatrist.
Seth… Then I would strongly suggest you have them speak and have a meeting of the minds and probably ignore both.
Isabella… So, I am asking you, is this necessary? It is a mood stabilizer so is that something that would be necessary for me?
Seth… Do you have a Mood Disorder?
Isabella… I don’t know. I have no idea if I have a Mood Disorder or not!
Seth… Well, you have one, two, three therapists sitting in the room. Why don’t you speak to them?
Isabella… My psychologist says that she does not believe that I have a Mood Disorder.
Seth… Then therefore do you not see that there is a difficulty between two professionals?
Isabella… Yes! So, then which one is right?
Seth… Why does either one have to be right?
Isabella… Okay and this is why I am asking you because you know better than the rest of them. So, I want to know. I don’t want to take an unnecessary drug.
Seth… My first statement is quite simple, whether or not you have a Mood Disorder is how you would describe it to yourself. Second of all, what you want to do is to step away from the equation and you are going to insist that both professionals speak to each other. And then what you should most probably do is to ignore both of them. However, the idea here is more simply put, once they have reached a tentative plan and you have been on this medication for let us say four to six weeks, do you notice no great difference in your mood then do you have a Mood Disorder?
Isabella… That would be a no.
Seth… Therefore…
Isabella… Okay.
Seth… Does that give you a hint?
Isabella… It does. And my second question is the idea of can I start looking for apartments?
Seth… You start looking? I don’t understand the question.
Isabella… Is the time approaching where I…
Seth… Why would I ever answer a futuristic question?
Isabella… You told me that you would, that we would revisit it. That you say more or less if that time was approaching you that I could start to be looking to move out.
Seth… Would you not trust me and let me tell you when that time is?
Isabella… I trust you.
Seth… Then if you trust me, have I stated anything yet?
Isabella… You have not given me any information.
Seth… Then I would strongly suggest you understand that. Would it hurt you to start looking? Absolutely not. Would it give you fun? (Isabella made a snorting noise.) Would it be fun?
Isabella… Yeah, but what if I see something that I really love?
Seth… Then you would have to make a decision, don’t you?
Isabella… That is not helping me at all.
Seth… Whose life is it, mine or yours?
Isabella… You told me you would help me. When you told me when the time was right that you…
Seth… How are you doing in your community work?
Isabella… Very good.
Seth… And how long has that very good been handling there?
Isabella… Good two weeks.
Seth… Ah, I believe we have answered the question. (Group laughter including Isabella.)
You have yet to put in your three-hundred and fifty hours of community service.
Frank… I have a question involving the idea of a pill like with a vitamin. If you… what if you believe in the vitamin at one time and the next minute you don’t believe in the vitamin.
Seth… It doesn’t work that way, next.
Jasmine… In the vitamins?
Frank… Are you sure it doesn’t work that way? It can work that way, the idea of ambivalence, the idea of I believe…
Seth… You cannot change what you believe in from one second to the next, does not work that way.
Frank… Well, you know what; maybe what you believe is that you are not really sure. (Stephanie laughs.) Like, I don’t really know if I believe in vitamins or not.
Seth… Did you?
Frank… Yeah, ah…
Seth… If you eat properly…
Frank… Right, you mean getting enough vitamins.
Seth… then you may not need any supplements. But you don’t do you?
Frank… Do I what eat naturally, properly?
Seth… Properly. (There was some group discussion including the fried chicken Frank had out to dinner.)
Frank… I don’t think I eat so poorly.
Seth… I didn’t say that did I? Is eighty percent of your intake fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts without cooking?
Frank… No.
Seth… Let’s move along. Are there any other questions? (Isabella said something about looking for the apartment, there was some laughter and Seth responded 360 hours.)
Then let me leave you with this: Giving and receiving allows you to change. Over-giving and improper receiving due to expectations with fear and anger and resentment, your wants magnify and your needs flounder. The old statement is true, be very careful of what you wish for indeed you may be sorry to get it. A pleasant evening to all.
(Sessions ended at 9:59 P.M.)
