Seth 351
On Forgiveness and Learning to Change Effectively
Tuesday October 30, 2007
8:20 P.M.
Seth… Good evening. A pleasure to have all of you here this evening. I would like to do some minor housekeeping. Just for your information, I believe Isabella that you have lost if you will an opportunity to advance yourself, first in your eyes of course and then of course in the eyes of your parents. Now, you eventually went ahead and took downstairs some clothing if you will that were in some bags. The difficulty here was not the fact that you eventually did it but in the putting off of that which is your responsibility to accomplish something. I believe that you would have been better served for you if you had: A) Gone ahead and said, I know I do not want to unpack these now would you give me a hand and help me take them downstairs. Well, that was something you could have certainly written down and had your parents sign because it certainly would have promoted you. Do you follow me so far? (The reader should note that the following is an example of facilitating Change. Seth gave Isabella and her parents an exercise of writing down all that she does for the family/community and posting it on the refrigerator. This was done so that Isabella could increase her functioning and understanding about living in a community and that the parents could see that change occurring. How often do parents with young children or grown children for that matter not understand how to teach their children to contribute to the community and therefore function on a higher level?! FN)
Isabella… I didn’t think that I was allowed to ask for assistance in that area.
Seth… Well, asking for assistance is having somebody do something without your being present, but if you are working with someone or someone in this instance is working with you there is absolutely no problem in terms of granting and gaining assistance. For example, the bag was far too heavy for you.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… Or maybe you could have even done one of two things, broken it up into two or three separate different bags or work with somebody to help take that one bag downstairs. You understand what I am saying?
Isabella… Yes.
Seth… You must again use the opportunities that you are given to learn to work within a communal atmosphere, if you will. And you do this by routinely developing ways however you choose to promote yourself and of course you will write this and because I believe that it is very important for your parents to become aware of that which you have accomplished. You understand? For example, like emptying the dishwasher…
Isabella… I know but I don’t even think about it anymore. Like I don’t think about doing it, I just do it, so I don’t even think about writing it down. (This writing down what you do for the family/community exercise was given to Isabella by Seth in Session 348.)
Seth… Well, you’re making an error in judgment.
Isabella… But I do so much, so many things that I mean it’s…
Seth… It is something…
Isabella… like ridiculous for me to write everything down.
Seth… No, it’s not; it is an improvement of self. Whether you for example would choose to let us say do the ironing, of course you do not do ironing in this house, but you could for example say, well, I’m going to the cleaning store today, give me all your clothes and I will take them for you. Well, that would be certainly something that is living within a community you would put up on the…
Isabella… Right, of course.
Seth… board.
Isabella… Well, let me ask you a question. If someone was going to pick up the clothing from the cleaners, would it be appropriate for them to pick up my things also that are there if they are going?
Seth… Probably not and the reason that…
Isabella… But if I were going, would it be appropriate for me to pick up their stuff?
Seth… Well, who is learning what? In other words, if you are learning to do things…
Isabella… Right.
Seth… in a different manner, then you go out of your way to do things in a different manner.
Isabella… But that’s not really living in a community then. A community helps one another.
Seth… You are the living person here who has had the object of your parental scorn if you will.
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… They have pointed a finger at you and said you do not! Therefore, what you are doing this for is to show them that you do.
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… Therefore, it may seem out of kilter for you if you understand what I am saying in terms of, I’m doing so much, and they are doing so little. Well in the beginning part of your new learning process this is as it should be.
Isabella… I just feel like I am so worn with this with how many things I am doing, not in the house but in my life and in my job and that I am just exhausted all the time. And I just feel like there, I can’t possibly fit more things into my schedule and I…
Seth… Part of it is dis-ease. (Dis-ease has been discussed by Seth and others as a state of being continually uncomfortable or ill at ease, stressed, anxious etcetera. It is the opposite of feeling comfortable and centered. Over a long period of time, meaning a number of years allowing yourself and your body to be in the state of disease can actually cause real diseases to develop. F.N.) Dis-ease because you are under the erroneous belief that you can’t do more. It is not doing more; it is doing something effectively that matters. And I believe that as you learn to space yourself out what you can accomplish, what you would like to accomplish and what you accomplish you will see that your levels of energy will rise. Right now, you have dis-ease and you are always tired under this set of circumstances, one because of what you are going through that’s obvious and two because you are chronically worried about a number of different items that you are aware of. Such as is the person I am now dating the correct one for me? Such as what will happen with my divorce? Such as what about my friendships with the other ladies at school or other friends? Will I keep them? Will I lose them? All of this plays a heavy role. You’re also worried about your relationship with the man through whom I speak and of course, Jasmine. All of these types of difficulties if you will cause you dis-ease. So, what you do is you make yourself tired to escape from. Do you understand?
Isabella… Okay so then how do I…
Seth… By not giving in.
Isabella… To the tiredness? To not napping or whatever?
Seth… I’m not saying never nap, do not misunderstand me. I am saying if there is something to do, do it! Go out of your way to be the person that people can look to do something. I will use your idea of the cleaners. Be the person to go to the cleaners. Be the person to go to the grocery because that will give you a sense of accomplishment and the more you can write down no matter how large, I cooked dinner for twenty-five people…
Isabella… Em.
Seth… or how small, there was paper on the floor and I picked up.
Jasmine… All those little things?
Seth… Anything that you can do that promotes you that you don’t have to do gives you a sense of satisfaction and it also teaches your parents the fact that you can accomplish something within a communal setting. Do you understand?
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… That being stated.
Stephanie… I have a question.
Seth… Wait. (Said to Stephanie and turns to Isabella and says,) Not the only one I do that to. (Stephanie giggles, this is in reference to last session number 350 where Isabella voiced concern about being the only one that Seth limits the timing of questions.)
That being stated, we have embarked upon the idea of Change and Change itself must be very carefully studied with all of its intricacies if you will, so that as an individual you may learn to dissect that which you require from the myriad of events that surround you on a day-to-day basis. Yes, Kaetorina?
Stephanie… I want to know when you have been very, very hurt by somebody how do you go about forgiving them?
Seth… That takes us back to last week’s idea if you will. First of all, Kaetorina have you read over that material?
Stephanie… No not yet.
Seth… It would have been helpful.
Change itself and to use the idea of forgiveness, of course is a change. It is a change in Perception…
Jasmine… Forgiveness is a change in Perception.
Seth… Underline and capitalize the word perception. As each of you goes about their normal routine, events seem to come and go. Commonly you become weary of the affects that seem to tie you down. Many individuals describe this feeling as being buried in the sand and having the tide come in and wash over them. You become closed; your connection to the universe is not effective. Commonly people have difficulty in dealing with others.
Isabella, would you not agree with that statement that when you are tied down and feel like you are buried up to your neck and the waters are washing over you, how effective are you in dealing with Jasmine and the man through whom I speak? Do you understand why you become tired and weary and the hurt and I am using the word carefully here, that you fear…
Isabella… In regards to?
Seth… Them.
Isabella… Okay.
Seth… causes you great pain and difficulties at times; does it not?
Isabella… I don’t think it’s conscious.
Seth… Let me challenge you on that statement.
Isabella… Okay.
Seth… When, let’s say Jasmine makes a statement to you that you do not find as suitable, do you speak kindly, or do you lash out quickly?
Isabella… No, I lash out.
Seth… I believe that the score now is Seth one (Isabella sighed.) and Isabella nothing.
Isabella… No, what you were saying is that I am hurt.
Seth… If you are lashing out, are you hurt?
Isabella… Um, I don’t know. Yeah, I guess.
Seth… Let us move along. Now so these feeling of a rejection, certainly feelings of disappointment lead to anger. You have a closed perception of what the universe is giving to you.
Stephanie… Can I ask a question?
Seth… Make it brief.
Stephanie… When you’re saying, you are closed, are you talking about to the person who has hurt you or just…
Seth… In general.
Stephanie… It spreads out.
Seth… Does it not?
Stephanie… Okay, trust, yeah.
Seth… Now, so the idea here is you are closed to the universe. Let me ask each of you and I am sure by a quick answer that you will agree with me, have you ever been in a room or enter a house where the air seems musty and stale and there seems to be an overwhelming depression within that home or room? Has each of you ever experienced this? Arthur?
Arthur… Yes.
Seth… Betty?
Betty… Yes.
Seth… Frank?
Frank… Yes.
Seth… Therefore, it’s not that I was ignoring you, I knew that you said yes. Your overwhelming feeling here is that there is something that is grabbing you that makes you ill at ease. Since the house or the room that you have entered and the air is not fresh, the most common tendency here is to go ahead and to leave that room, walk outside and take a deep breath or two. Now, what has this accomplished for you? You have reopened your physical body to the freshness, the openness that is outside of the area that you were in. The same concept here must be applied to your connection with the universe.
Now, the idea that one has of reconnecting to the universe is foolish in and of itself for the question arises: can you as an individual ever be divorced from the universe? And of course, the answer is no. What you are having difficulty with is your perception of what the universe is providing you. You cannot step outside yourself but what you must do is to reinvigorate that which makes you have dis-ease! That which is unhappy to you, unfair, unpleasant causes you to close off your connection to that which is profitable, your connection that which is profitable becomes estranged. You lose that which you seek. One must then learn to play the game properly if you will. For our sports enthusiasts let us ask a simple question: if you are playing a ballgame, Frank and you have a left-handed hitter come up who only pulls the ball to the left, do you change the position of your defensive team?
Frank… Yes.
Seth… Which is the same thing, write this down, which is the same thing that you must do…
Jasmine… Is that farfetched?
Seth… If you have a player, a ballplayer who only hits the ball to the left side do you then change the position of your defensive team? Our friend Frank answered yes which is correct. In doing so you have learned to adjust, if you will; in doing so you have learned to adjust with the events that are constantly occurring. One must learn to be flexible. Forgiveness is based on a simple idea that you must learn to be flexible.
Jasmine… That’s the idea that you must learn to…?
Seth… Learn to be flexible. Let us look at this in more detail. When you have been injured or upset or bothered for long periods of time you are obviously closed to the idea of change. You cannot forgive. A better reference point might be you will not forgive. In dealing with a problem that is of a longstanding duration the first individual and perhaps the most difficult one to deal with especially when forgiveness is mandatory is yourself! While this seems odd it is the absolutely true statement of fact! If you or anyone for that matter cannot forgive themselves for covering up injuries, disappointments, fear, anxiety for long periods of time then of course you’ll never be able to forgive the other. As stated previously it is the covering up of events, the camouflage systems that individuals put in place that they routinely fall back upon that prevents them from changing.
If you cannot change, you cannot forgive, for your mindset focuses upon anger. One of the methods that can be used effectively here, especially with a friend or a companion is the idea of an explosion of feelings. Quite commonly, when used effectively this explosion of feelings is not rational at all but it is effective in getting rid of the hurt that you perceive is around you. Now there are many ways to explode. You may talk to a friend and yell at them in terms of this is what this person did to me, I will never, they will never, whatever you choose to say. You may write a hurtful or angry letter and then burn it or rip it up. It is the getting rid of the negatively if you will that allows you to uncover the goodness within yourself. You should not wait; act immediately for the longer you wait the more camouflage you create. As you go ahead and take a deep breath of fresh air to escape the smell of the musty room so you will explode out that which bothers you. This explosion, if you will, is obviously not meant for the person who gave you difficulty. The explosion is meant for you. In doing so, you have embarked upon the first step of forgiveness. It does not matter how long or how often you have been bothered by another. The question is how long do you choose to be closed and endure? How long do you choose to be closed and endure something that you find intolerable? The first person you are going to seek forgiveness from is of course yourself. The second person that you will choose to look at after your breath of fresh air is the other.
Jasmine… The one who hurt you?
Seth… Of course, and if this individual, for a hypothetical example is doing this on purpose, then you forgive him for their foolishness and you dismiss that person from your spheres of influence. If this person is not doing something malevolently then of course it is incumbent upon you to gently explain that which that has bothered you and, in your explanation, you will make absolutely certain that you make it clear to them that you cannot and will not allow yourself to be pushed into this type of a situation again and again. Don’t wait. Forgiveness makes you comfortable. Don’t wait so that you’re covering up that which is bothering you, don’t wait, take a deep breath and be open to the universe.
I believe at this point we shall take a break.
Before you continue with your break, I believe that it is important at this point of reference for Kaetorina to read into the transcript, if you will something that she found called “The Invitation” and I believe that the idea here of change and forgiveness is paramount to this. Ah Betty, for you somewhere this evening, please give Kaetorina your address so that someone can mail you a copy of this.
Betty… “The Invitation”
Seth… Yes.
Betty… I have it.
Seth… You have it then of course…
Betty… If it is the same one, yes.
Seth… It is a simple paragraph or two. Go ahead.
Stephanie read into the transcript the following poem.
The Invitation
Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Canadian Teacher and Author
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
© 1995 by Oriah House, from “Dreams of Desire”
Published by Mountain Dreaming, 300 Coxwell Avenue, Box 22546, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4L 2A0 (Permission given by Oriah 7/20/22 via e-mail. The link to her web-site is below.)
http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
Seth… I believe at this point we shall continue our break and I have made sure that there is a copy for each of you.
Let us continue: Again Kaetorina, thank you for your efforts in typing that up and I think the ideas that can be gathered from this short statement are invaluable to each of you. Are there any questions?
Stephanie… So, once you forgive yourself and you know we are dealing with the idea of the long period hurt and you forgive yourself for all the participation in it then what would make you trust the person or like them?
Seth… You may never trust them and nor may you ever like them. You do not have to.
Stephanie… Okay so then what you are saying is the forgiveness of self is the only thing necessary?
Seth… No, you can forgive them for actions that they have taken. You may have seen on your television or read about people who have been severely hurt by another. They have at times in certain circumstances have a parent confront their child or husband’s killer…
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… and they do make amends with each other. They may never like each other but they forgive each other in terms of their working relationships. The idea of forgiveness does not mean “like”. It does not mean “accept”. It just means that you are going to go ahead and perceive a change that will allow you to…
Betty… Isn’t that healing?
Seth… Excuse me?
Betty… Isn’t that healing?
Seth… Healing is a form of forgiveness.
Betty… But how can you heal without forgiveness? That is a big saying on my wall and that promotes staying close.
Seth… Healing is a part and parcel of learning to forgive. Your wounds themselves whether you forgive the person or not will excuse me lessen with time. That does not mean that you are not affected by those injuries if you will. People carry over from one lifetime to the next things that they have not dealt with properly. So healing is not the same as forgiveness. Do you understand, Betty?
Isabella… But how do you know if you’ve dealt with the hurt properly? Like for me I feel like, and I know it’s obviously still raw and a short period of time but there is a feeling of loss.
Seth… Well again, this is a tending to be at least in this incarnation if you will a theme. You understand?
Isabella… The loss?
Seth… Whether it be loss of friendship, whether it be loss of children as an individual you are aware of course that the chances of you losing your parents when they end their incarnation is a loss. So, the idea of loss has many ramifications, again things that you can forgive, things that you can do will effectively lessen those difficulties.
Isabella… Such as?
Seth… When you deal with loss as a part and parcel of an incarnation itself then it is only a matter of degree. For example, which would be worse to you the loss for example as you stated of the child or the loss of your brother?
Isabella… Oh, that’s easy the loss of my brother.
Seth… Because there is an attachment. What time will do for you is to lessen the emotional “attachment” that you have for the idea that is giving you great problems now. There is a great sense of attachment to your brother or to your parents. The reason that you do not feel the loss of husband is because he to you is not worth the effort to feel the loss. Does this make sense to you now?
Isabella… Yeah. (Emotional.)
Seth… Did I answer your question?
Isabella… So, what do I need to forgive myself for in this situation?
Seth… That you forgive yourself for that which you did not perceive.
Isabella… That basically is what everyone was saying about him and who he was.
Seth… Well, the most common thing that people do not perceive, are not aware of or when they are, they cover it over. For long periods of time until the wife who has been beaten by her husband for ten years picks up a butcher knife and in his sleep stabs him to death because she cannot explode in any other way.
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… You understand?
Isabella… Yes. I have a few other questions, quickly.
Seth… Go ahead.
Isabella… Do you feel that it would be better for me to not be in any kind of relationship right now? Or is it still part of the learning to be in a community, like…
Seth… I believe the fact of it is, is not relevant to you at all. What I see, what I do not see is not relevant. What you gain from being in any relationship, what you lose from being in any relationship is only relevant to you.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… It is what your feelings are, what your perceptions are that matter.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… You understand?
Isabella… Yes.
Seth… Again, I have stated that one should be casual at your state because you are far too fragile…
Isabella… Uh huh.
Seth… to enter something into a serious nature. Does that help you?
Isabella… No, I am seeing that within myself because I am seeing myself falling into old patterns very fast.
Seth… And you certainly have.
Isabella… But I am aware. I am aware of it.
Seth… Makes no difference because when you fall into an old pattern you cover up that which you should not be doing, and you make excuses for doing.
Isabella… Uh huh.
Seth… Make excuses for not. Don’t make excuses for.
Isabella… Uh huh.
Seth… You understand?
Isabella… But there are ways to pull back, I mean.
Seth… There are many ways to do anything.
Isabella… And the other thing that I wanted to ask is this, again I am having this, this weight issue, this eating issue and…
Seth… Why are you eating? What’s eating you?
Isabella… My body right now, obviously.
Seth… So, when you can get that under control.
Isabella… Right but, but however.
Seth… There’s no buts.
Isabella… I’m still finding this lack of desire to go to the gym or you know do something positive in nature for myself for my body.
Seth… Read this lecture as many times as necessary.
Isabella… Okay and what I was thinking was as opposed to going to the gym which I really hate, which would maybe get into Yoga which I thought would be more beneficial for me physically and emotionally.
Seth… Anything that you can do as a routine is beneficial. Whether you require somebody to force you to do it…
Isabella… Right.
Seth… whether you can do it on your own matters of course not.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… Is there anything else? (Isabella indicates not at this time.) We can come back.
Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… Yeah, okay so you said you forgive yourself for that which you do not perceive so in my case for example with my father what I would be concerned about is that which I did not perceive. So, if I forgave him…
Seth… Oh, you perceived it very clearly, you just covered it over.
Frank… Right.
Stephanie… Alright so what makes me trust that I won’t do that because I wasn’t aware of the covering?
Seth… Now you are.
Stephanie… Oh, so now I am.
Seth… And you can still cover it over; that is of course your choice.
Stephanie… Alright so if I was going to forgive him for example then I am supposed to approach the situation anew for example, the relationship anew. Is that what I should, must, supposed to do?
Seth… You must approach anything that he does with a different set of eyes and certainly, ears that hear.
Stephanie… Right so the second the line would be crossed that’s when I would perceive it differently and…
Seth… Or not and choose to react differently.
Stephanie… Right and choose to react differently.
Seth… Or not.
Stephanie… Right, or not. So, I think that my fear is that if I forgive then I am opening myself again to be hurt.
Seth… Whether you forgive or not, there is a greater tendency to be hurt when you cover it over because as if you had read last weeks…
Stephanie… Because I am not aware.
Seth… session, you allow the person to keep on hurting you.
Stephanie… Right, because I am not making myself aware.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… Right, so why do I… that’s just a distortion on my part? This comment about if I forgive, I’m thinking I’m more open.
Seth… Yes.
Stephanie… Well, why do I feel that way? I feel more vulnerable?
Seth… I cannot tell you why you feel that way that is something for you to research.
Stephanie… Right but it makes me feel more vulnerable because then I am open to the feeling of wanting something different.
Seth… You are more open by covering up something than you could ever be by confronting it. If you would ask Jasmine and I believe that she can understand this, when you cover up your own feelings towards what others are doing to you…
Stephanie… Uh huh.
Seth… How well do you do?
Jasmine… Very bad.
Seth… Is it easier to confront or is it easier to cover it over? (Pause.) It’s easier to cover it over.
Jasmine… Right.
Seth… Which is more profitable?
Jasmine… Confronting.
Seth… I believe you have your own answer.
Stephanie… Okay so then I think that the fear would be if that’s what I should always do that I would constantly be confronting and then the relationship would be horrible, and this is what I am in.
Seth… And if the relationship is horrible or the other person decides I cannot like this person, what have you lost?
Stephanie… Ah, I don’t know, the times I was pretending things were good? (Laughs.)
Frank… The idea of a father, perhaps?
Stephanie… Right, the idea that maybe he could pay for my backyard. (There is laughter.)
Seth… Things that are idealized are such an illusion that you cannot win.
Stephanie… So, you, you in reality are getting no profit from an idealization?
Seth… You cannot.
Stephanie… That’s just part of the covering over.
Seth… It is the pretending that things are fine when in reality they are constantly hurting you.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… And the more they hurt and sting the more ground you pull over yourself and the further from reality you become, and you become closed to that which you need.
Stephanie… Em hmm. So, in the most extreme case I may need to have nothing to do with my father?
Seth… In the most extreme case or maybe in the best case.
Stephanie… (Laughs.) Depending on how you look at it.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… Right, that I would choose that.
Seth… You may choose that.
Stephanie… That would be the idea of continuing to confront every single time whatever that would be.
Seth… Things that upset you…
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… Things that bother you.
Stephanie… Right but that would be routinely because that’s what he presents.
Seth… Then you question what he is doing and why that is being done to you.
Stephanie… And then every time I question it and he continues it that feels like a hurt.
Seth… And it is if you allow it.
Stephanie… It… no, that is…
Seth… Yes!
Stephanie… because it is!
Seth… No, it is not.
Stephanie… I stated when you do this it hurts me and he will, and if he continues it then…
Seth… Then you casually (ask) why are you choosing to hurt me? Why do you do this?
Stephanie… Alright and so I would say that, and he would say his usual lies and bullshit and then…
Seth… Excuse me, I do not believe what you are saying because you constantly do it when I’ve asked you not to. Why do you continue?
Stephanie… Right and I stated that you do this when you continue, you know when I… whatever! I said something like that to him and of course because of his ability to change is so slim that, that will occur again.
Seth… If you change what must the other person do? (Stephanie does not respond.) If you change what must the other person do? (Often Seth will elongate the pronunciation of words to make a point, this occurs here.)
Stephanie… Okay so they would…
Seth… If you change what must the other person do?
Stephanie… They must change.
Seth… Correct.
Jasmine… There is no guarantee.
Stephanie… And change for the better or just change…
Seth… That is an unknown.
Stephanie… Right because he could choose to change by not dealing with me at all.
Seth… Correct. What have you lost?
Stephanie… Well, I guess nothing.
Seth… Can we move along?
Stephanie… I guess.
Isabella… I just have another question. Regarding my anxiety level, which I obviously I know I am having depression and things like that. But I am not anxious.
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… And I am curious as to what I thought that I would probably be the most anxious at this point. I’m not having any anxiety or fears or hypochondria or anything related to the sort and is it because I am so aware of what it is that is bothering me?
Seth… Correct. You cannot pretend.
Isabella… Right, so in the case of when I was really having anxiety and bugging out it was because I really wasn’t looking at what it was that was bothering me?
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… Which it of course was my marriage with Jacob and that’s why, because that was my way of hiding from it?
Seth… Of course!
Isabella… Was masking through anxiety.
Seth… Of course.
Isabella… That was my camouflage?
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… So that’s how I deal with things that I don’t want to look at is that I have anxiety.
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… When I get panicky or whatever the case…
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… Right. Well, that’s good to know.
Seth… I certainly hope so.
Isabella… Well does that mean that I don’t have to be medicated?
Seth… The only one who will be able to tell you that is you. There are things that you can do whether you feel you require it. Whether you don’t feel you require it. You can up your dose, you can lower your dose, you can see how things are coming.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… Sorry, (Laughs.) okay, can we use my mother for a second?
Seth… We can use anything that you like.
Stephanie… See my mother is a different story.
Frank… Take my mother… please! (Laughter.)
Stephanie… Take my mother. (Laughter.) Now here is the situation where I don’t believe she has the ability to change. I mean it has, let’s say…
Seth… Are you omnipotent?
Stephanie… No… Okay, never mind.
Seth… Then I cannot accept your statement.
Stephanie… But let’s say I was going through this whole scenario of confronting and she is doing whatever she is doing and, you know, I don’t want, I would not want to not have her in my life.
Seth… Isn’t it a question of how you present things? Notice that I have always said that when you confront somebody, do it with kindness.
Stephanie… Right but let’s say we’re really kind, she’s very limited and she is just going to do what is comfortable for her, what isn’t, I mean there is a little movement there but in general she’s going to keep doing whatever she does. Does that mean that you…
Seth… You don’t have to give up anybody you choose not to give up.
Stephanie… Right so then that would…
Seth… You have stated what is bothering you. You have stated this is what you did to me…
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… and I want you to understand that these are hurts that are deep and bothering me for a long time. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, but I had to tell you this because I could not deal with it any longer.
Stephanie… Em hmm. (Long pause.) So, you’re saying that anybody can change. It doesn’t matter, even my mother. (Laughs.)
Seth… Even Lee Chang. (Lee Change is a psychically gifted friend of Jerry’s who has lived over eight hundred lives but has tended to learn through negativity.)
Stephanie… Right, that’s a good example! That’s a very good example so who would be changing for Lee Chang to change.
Seth… Lee Chang.
Stephanie… No but who in his play? If his wife changed, he would have to?
Seth… Would not and is it not factual that our friend Frank got him to change to some extent?
Stephanie… This much. (Holding finger and thumb in a way to show very little.)
Seth… Then my question is truth therefore Seth one, Kaetorina zero.
Stephanie… Oh, well you are not saying how much change. You are just saying change.
Seth… Correct! The first step on a ten-thousand-mile journey begins with what?
Stephanie… Right the first one.
Isabella… What if you can’t confront the person who has hurt you?
Seth… If you cannot confront the person who has hurt you…
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… My question then arises, what did the man through whom I speak do when he had to confront someone who hurt him?
Isabella… Hmm.
Frank… He went to the grave. (Jerry dealt with anger at his father by speaking to him much later at his father’s gravesite.)
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… Oh.
Frank… You can write a letter.
Isabella… But I mean like with Jacob, like I can’t, you know, I can’t…
Seth… Do you think he would listen to you?
Isabella… No, that’s the point.
Seth… Then I would assume that the best procedure for you would be to…
Isabella… Write a letter.
Seth… Write a letter or explode or yell or put it on a tape recording and then destroy it. Once you destroy that which you have done you do not need to re-deal with it.
Isabella… (Crying.) But I feel like I said it before to him.
Seth… And obviously he cannot listen.
Isabella… I know that but I still feel…
Seth… Or will not listen.
Isabella… I still feel like I am still angry.
Seth… And who says that you do not have a right to be.
Isabella… But I have said it and I’ve exploded already.
Seth… And you may have to do it again.
Isabella… Well, that’s what I am asking like do you have to…
Seth… None of this at times for many individuals…
Isabella… It’s not a one-time thing.
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… Okay.
Frank… Is this any different than venting however?
Seth… Yes, this is vastly different than venting.
Frank… Right, well that’s the question.
Seth… It is different than venting because venting has no sense of direction. Venting does not mean that you are getting ridding of anything. I’m angry, I’m bothered they did this, they did this, and you are spreading out this way.
Frank… Like just complaining?
Seth… Right. This is not a complaint session.
Frank… Whereas the explosion has direction…
Seth… Explosion has a direction and a feeling and a force behind it.
Frank… Force is the thing that is bothering you and away from you?
Seth… Correct and that’s something you have to learn to deal with your feelings on certain things because you do not.
Frank… (Pause.) Right? (Another pause, I believe Frank is probably looking perplexed.)
Stephanie… (Laughs.) I’ll help you out. (Laughs.)
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Let me leave you with this: The air in a room becomes stale and foul so do your perceptions. You cannot shift with the events and patterns that swirl around you.
Jasmine… Can you say that again?
Seth… You cannot shift with the events and patterns that surround you. All too often you wait and hold out and pray for something better. By doing these things you increase your wants. Take a deep breath. Open yourself. Learn to shift and change. Learn to change effectively. Don’t wait. Make things happen. Be the force behind your own existence. Let your needs become paramount. I bid each of you a very fond good evening.
(Session ended at 9:41.)
