Seth 377
Saying Yes to the Universe Versus Railing Against It
Tuesday June 17, 2008
8:25 p.m.
Seth… Good evening, pleasure to have all of you here again. We shall continue our plodding along under our subject of Change. Just under a general housekeeping question, how have each of you done with some of the bits of enlightenment that I gave you in terms of things that you had not been looking at, have you been studying them? Have you been dealing with them? This comes from obviously the lecture that I purposely did not have taped because I felt it was far too personal.
Kaetorina, you would like to start? (To Isabella.) Please feel free.
Isabella… Alright, well I’ve been very diligent about doing the homework and reading my essay and your lecture about you know self-worth and I still had a very difficult time this week. In fact…
Seth… Why do you believe that you should not have had a difficult time? Let’s start with that question.
Isabella… Because I felt that I was on… that this was going to help me be able to conquer some difficult times. For example, Father’s Day being hard for me.
Seth… I didn’t realize that you were a father.
Isabella… No, but it was the idea of parenting and…
Seth… One must always look at the idea of when things are difficult, are you creating the difficulty out of I feel sorry for myself situation or is the situation out of control? Meaning you do not have control over the situation and in this instance what you are describing is the idea here that you are going to go ahead and to make absolutely certain that you feel sorry for yourself. And in feeling sorry for yourself you put yourself at a disadvantage to you because you cannot function when you are looking at a situation, this goes for everyone by the way, you cannot function when you are looking at a situation in an inferior or difficult place. In other words, if you are wringing your hands and saying, “Oh, God help me, I cannot, I don’t understand what’s going on.” Well then of course you have a situation where no matter what you try or anyone else tries you are not going to function.
Isabella… Right, I felt like I really wasn’t functioning well, obviously that day and maybe it was a little bit having to do with feeling sorry for myself. The idea of…
Seth… And you also have not gotten rid of your anger.
Isabella… Right.
Seth… So, until you get rid of your anger you are not going to do well.
Isabella… But is my anger channeled in the right area? I don’t feel angry at him; I feel angry at the loss.
Seth… No, you are still not even looking at the correct terminology here and the idea is that when you discover what your true anger is you will be far better off.
Isabella… And you are not going to help me with that?
Seth… Not at all, that’s for you to discover, that’s free will.
Isabella… So now can you give me any advice as to how I can continue to work on this concept of self-worth and this idea of not being afraid of being alone?
Seth… Well first of all, what does the word, “alone” mean to you?
Isabella… The word “alone” to me means “loser”.
Seth… Interesting, so in other words if you went ahead and decided, let us assume for any matter to stay home on a Thursday evening but the man through whom I speak and Jasmine were going out, does that make you a loser?
Isabella… On a Thursday evening? No.
Seth… Would it make a difference if it were a Friday evening?
Isabella… Yes.
Seth… Show me how?
Isabella… Because that’s a weekend.
Seth… Show me what difference it makes other than the fact that it is a different day.
Isabella… Because I don’t have to get up the next day to get to work so I can go out with friends. Those are typically days that you would go out.
Seth… No, you could typically go out with a friend whether you had work or no work. You could see someone for a shorter period of time. What you are telling me here is that you would never have, quotes here a “date” on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
Isabella… No, that’s not what I am saying.
Seth… Yes, you just did because you made a differentiation between the days.
Isabella… Okay.
Seth… So therefore, you are a loser in the first portion of what you just said. It’s a Thursday night, you’re a loser.
Isabella… Okay.
Seth… Show me how that is factual?
Isabella… That I am a loser?
Seth… Yeah.
Isabella… I’m not a loser on that…
Seth… Then the answer is you are not a loser on Friday either, are you?
Isabella… No, but there is a difference between a weekend.
Seth… Show me how.
Isabella… Because those are days designated usually…
Seth… Who designates them?
Isabella… Everybody, Society.
Seth… Oh, the god on high has designated Friday and Saturday as holy days?
Isabella… Not that they’re holy days but those are the days in general when you are a working individual that you would use to go out with peers.
Seth… And so, you do not go out with peers on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday?
Isabella… I’m not saying that I don’t.
Seth… Then, therefore your statement has no validity.
Isabella… Okay, I understand what you are saying about the fact of the concept of being alone equaling being a loser; that is a deep imbedded core belief that I have.
Seth… And so, I am asking you to examine your core belief by reading the lecture, by going ahead and finishing reading “The Secret”, by rereading the idea of the notes I gave you on that lecture, am I correct?
Isabella… Uh huh.
Seth… And therefore, you are expecting a miracle to take place.
Isabella… Instant change.
Seth… And things don’t work out that way. You have to learn to be patient and diligent and work at things because if everybody had the concept of instant change as their mantra, well then of course everybody would go ahead and just be ridiculously foolish, I can change therefore it doesn’t matter what I do.
Finished? Pass it along.
Arthur… I did some things, I worked on self esteem in terms of having fun, of doing things for myself, spending time with a friend, buying clothes, doing a fast and a cleanse.
Seth… Do you feel better?
Arthur… I feel somewhat better.
Seth… That’s a change. We will accept that pass it along.
Frank… I’ve been looking at some of the concepts. On Sunday I noticed that I played excellent tennis but yet I still didn’t enjoy it because of my perfectionistic ways.
Seth… Walk out of the forest and hit the little yellow ball.
Frank… And I looked at some of the aspects of me being sometimes overly competitive. I’ve worked diligently on getting things done so that I can do those other things that I like to.
Seth… In other words, you are taking very tiny baby steps to attempt to have fun. Remember, it is the having of the fun that matters here, not how you play.
Frank… I understood that well enough afterwards and during when it was a little bit too late, but I understand.
Seth… Keep working at it. Jasmine?
Jasmine… Well, I read the session many, many times, more than you even told me to read; you told me to read it every other night, every other day.
Seth… You’re pretty much reading it every other day.
Jasmine… Pretty much every day and of course reading my steps in my program and what I find very helpful is that it is obvious that the reading of it so frequently is a constant reminder to the self of what you need to do to see, you know the improvement of the self to work on the cause which is the improvement or betterment of the self. And so now I’m often thinking like, I can do this, I can do this now, I can take care of that, I’ll do that.
Seth… And so, what is your value judgment to yourself?
Jasmine… Well, I feel a lot better about myself in these last few days.
Seth… And the idea of pushing oneself…
Jasmine… Oh, and I am pushing.
Seth… The idea of pushing oneself will give you strength that you do not understand. You cannot define the word for yourself at this point of reference. And because you can’t define the word at this point of reference then what you must do and understand is the simple fact that through all of this pushing yourself whether it means extending yourself in what you do around your home, what you go ahead and do in terms of playing, what you do in terms of work and studying makes a large difference in how you are going to feel about you.
Jasmine… Well, for example today I was absolutely exhausted because I had played eighteen holes of golf which I never play and then played Bridge and everybody was still playing and I said, “I’m sorry but this has to be my last hand.”
“Why?”
“Because, I have to go to the grocery store.”
“You’re going to the grocery store, now? You’re leaving Bridge to go to the grocery store?”
I said, “Yeah, I have to get some things.”
Seth… So, you felt good about yourself, didn’t you?
Jasmine… Well… (Stephanie laughs and then Frank.) I felt that I had to go, it wasn’t that I wanted to go.
Seth… How did you feel when you accomplished your task?
Jasmine… I felt good about accomplishing the task, but I was so tired.
Seth… So, let me ask you a question, how do you define the idea that “I am so tired” as being bad?
Jasmine… Umm… I guess that some how it connects to not being good… I don’t know how.
Seth… But do you realize that is part of your larger problem?
Jasmine… About being tired?
Seth… It is the “Do for me syndrome”. You fix it, you do for me, you make it right.
Jasmine… That doesn’t have anything to do with me being tired.
Seth… Of course, it does. It absolutely does and when you understand that you will be far further along then you can imagine.
Jasmine… I think it may have to do with being lazy or designating roles and maybe sometimes tired, but I think when you are tired with good reason to be tired sometimes it’s okay to ask your partner for help as…
Seth… We are not dealing with help we are not dealing with anything else we are dealing with you and how you handle certain things. I believe that is the true issue.
Kaetorina?
Stephanie… I think there are probably two things that I did that helped me, one was pretty major having to do with Peter where I was trying to let things go and not look for things and move into some acceptance and I definitely feel much, much better about that I feel like that I am a little bit out of a jail there. Still, you know it’s hard but I am in a better place with it and the idea of not procrastinating about confronting or re-confronting somebody when necessary, so I did do that with my sister, it didn’t go well but I did it. Other than that, that’s it.
Seth… Betty?
Betty… I’ve gone down my list. I’ve been going to yoga. I have been sticking up for myself again going back to Father’s Day with family with my bossy sister-in-law, so I’m… but it is still comes across to me as going through the motions.
Seth… When one practices a skill is it not truthful that one does go through the motions?
Betty… Yes.
Seth… Until you make it a part of you.
Betty… What’s missing, I guess from practicing other skills is some sense of either satisfaction, I just feel like I’m forcing myself to go through the motions still.
Seth… And in the beginning, you certainly should.
Betty… Okay.
Seth… George?
George… (Said something about the assignment from last week.) I had to make a list of things to do to get myself organized so the first one was, to make a set schedule for slots of time everyday or every week to devote to different studying, papers. The second thing is to schedule times during the week for physical and personal things as well. By figuring a more elaborate filing system to get a better handle on all the aspects of paperwork, make a chart to keep track of all the journals that I am responsible for having done every month. Along with maintain a clean and organized living space more diligently. Also set up a binder for cover sheets organized by year along with papers I am responsible for. Not stop article or chapter I am reading until I finish that chapter. Not start new projects until my current projects are finished. Work on a more accurate budget with my expenses every month. (George said something about meditating every day.)
Seth… First it was supposed to be fifteen, but we’ll leave that go. Second, remember this that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. So now that you have a plan one must start to implement it. And we will discuss next week what you have specifically done to implement that plan.
All this being said let us now go back to our idea of Change.
One of the great difficulties here that one has is the idea that events, if you will, may not always be to your liking. There are things that occur that cause great strife whether it be some of the ideas that each of you have about what is positive or negative within your spheres of influence. One tends to concentrate on areas that give each of you difficult solutions at best to the event itself. Examples here abound, the individual who is suddenly tossed out of work, a mother who has problems with a child. These type of difficulties while unpleasant are necessary for your growth and development. Now, the idea here is that one must learn to say yes to the universe. You must be appreciative of all events.
Isabella… May I ask a question?
Seth… Certainly, go ahead.
Isabella… That’s a very hard concept.
Seth… I know we are getting to it.
Now, let us examine this concept, when one rails against what you would believe is a negative event such as losing one’s job, not expecting something good to happen. You proceed in a negative fashion. When you perceive something that is not going to go your way, it doesn’t. The ballplayer who comes up against a pitcher who routinely gives him trouble should never say to himself, this pitcher and I don’t get along well, he always crucifies me.
Jasmine… I can see that, I can understand that but there are things such as my son’s accident so in order to be appreciative of that event or Isabella’s divorce or those kinds of events as opposed to the way you perceive something and believing how it’s going to turn out bad, to me those are different things. I think what you said to me was you have to see with eyes, you have to…
Isabella… Hear with eyes that do not see.
Jasmine… Right, is that… (Phone ringing.)
Seth… Would you like to answer your phone?
Jasmine… Okay.
Seth… I shall pause.
Jasmine… Comments?
Seth… I understand them completely, do you understand?
Jasmine… Yeah, so am I right in that?
Seth… No, you are a hundred percent wrong.
Jasmine… Alright, let me just repeat what I said, that I agree, I don’t think I am disagreeing with anything. I am simply saying that…
Seth… You’re saying it is very difficult when it comes to a very personal nature to understand and appreciate what you would consider a horrible event.
Jasmine… Correct, except you have to see with ears that can’t hear and whatever that expression is. (Isabella laughs.) I can never get that right.
Seth… Let us look at the situation…
Jasmine… Isn’t that the way to do it?
Seth… There are many avenues, many roads you may take to accomplish this type of a task. When you rail against the universe, when you complain, in your experience how successful is and are the complaints?
Jasmine… Not successful.
Seth… So, since it is not successful one must then understand that all the complaining, all the whining that ninety-nine percent of individuals do is in reality worthless.
Jasmine… Where does the complaining fit in?
Seth… Why did this happen to my son? I can’t believe that my daughter’s husband walked out on her. Why did this have to happen? Should I be angry at him? I don’t understand how you could do this to me. Does that about fit the conversation well?
Jasmine… And complaining isn’t successful. (Jasmine writing to herself.) Well, that’s what I’m saying. You can’t rail against the universe.
Seth… No, but that’s what you do. You’re trying to try to justify the not saying a positive when the negative is the only thing you can see and deal with.
Jasmine… Right, you have to say something positive about…
Seth… And it may not be saying something positive.
Jasmine… and believing it.
Seth… It is the idea here that no matter how difficult things are one must be able to look at and understand the very nature of the event itself. If one could look into the future and examine the divorce situation and on a hypothetical idea find out that in three years from now the daughter would meet and eventually marry a kind man who provided for her and gave her the things that she required and she had learned from the divorce proceedings to love and nurture in a proper manner and she wouldn’t have to fear being alone and if the only thing she ever accomplishes in this incarnation is to learn not to fear being alone was the divorce a positive influence, the answer must be yes.
Jasmine… What does that have to do with if one could look into the future?
Isabella… Because then you are seeing what the result is.
Seth… Then you are seeing what the result is.
Isabella… And in three years from now I would marry someone…
Jasmine… I heard that.
Isabella… that was a hundred times better than my previous situation.
Jasmine… Right.
Isabella… So, it is that same idea of what’s good, what’s bad.
Jasmine… Yeah, that’s, I understand that, but I don’t know why you brought that up as an example. I mean…
Seth… Did you not bring up as an example when things are not good you mentioned your son’s accident and your daughter’s divorce?
Jasmine… Correct.
Seth… I just answered the fact about your daughter’s divorce.
Jasmine… That… did you give us an answer?
Seth… I just did.
Jasmine… You told us that sometime in the future…
Seth… No, I said hypothetically speaking.
Jasmine… (Laughing.) Well, that’s what I am saying.
Isabella… He’s not going to give you a futuristic answer.
Jasmine… I know that. (Laughs.)
Frank… Jasmine wants to go “Woo, woo” and do a victory lap around the table. (Jasmine laughing.)
Isabella… Yeah, you only have three more years to wait.
Jasmine… Look at how negatively you just took that, I took it as a great thing.
Isabella… I didn’t take it negatively at all.
Jasmine… Oh, I thought that was sarcastic.
Isabella… (Talking at the same time said something about not taking it as real.) How is he going to give us real information about that? He can’t take away my free will.
Jasmine… I know, I just don’t understand why that’s an example.
Isabella… Because it’s saying that the idea is it could end up being more positive.
Jasmine… It could, the good, the bad…
Isabella… And it will, you can’t just say…
Frank… More than could, it is the opportunity to.
Isabella… Right.
Frank… Without the divorce, she would not have this opportunity. What a wonderful thing!
Jasmine… To work on this and to meet somebody better.
Frank… Correct.
Isabella… And now I get all that but while we are on the topic of me.
Seth… Have we ever been off the topic of you? (Group Laughter.)
Isabella… Can you give me some insight into the loss of the child? Because that’s what I seem to be struggling with more than anything else.
Seth… What, I have answered this, give us a moment, in fourteen different ways.
Isabella… But how, how am I supposed to view that in a positive?
Seth… Very simple, if you had continued on the course that you did and since you did not really lose anything, again this must be a hypothetical.
Isabella… I understand that.
Seth… But if you look at it as the idea of that you terminated something, the question is what did you really lose? And the answer here is aggravation, annoyance, poverty, constant sources of the irritation, dealing with people who do not like you, dealing with people who did not want you around, going ahead and becoming frustrated, okay, with the idea of why can’t you do for me because you should, this is your child. Do I have to give you a further list than the eight things I have just previously mentioned?
Isabella… No, that pretty much covers it.
Seth… I thought it would do you a world of good to hear that. So, the fact is that is the idea so when one, write this down please, so when one rails against the universe and refuses to look at the idea that even the unknown can be a positive influence in your existence. These are the things that you must understand. It is the acceptance of what is that allows change to occur. The refusal to accept in a positive manner an event tends to prevent change. (Frank and then Jasmine asked for material to be repeated.) As previously stated, when you rail against an event and get angry, how successful has anyone ever been doing that? The answer is no one. No one is successful.
One must understand when events happen that you do not like, when things seem out of place the tendency here is to examine and over-examine that which is occurring. One must understand that if you let events bypass you, another way to accept it is to roll off your back you will then give yourself the ability to look at and study that which surrounds you.
Now, no one would be foolish enough to look at and be happy with a difficult or unpleasant situation and I have not in this lecture said or even intimated that one should. It is very difficult not to become involved with events that at best seem unpleasant. They are like a magnet that pulls you towards the event itself and just as a magnet has two poles, the closer one gets to the event the greater the likelihood of having the magnet reverse polarity, having the magnet reverse polarity and then you become disenfranchised or pushed away from the negative event itself. What next happens since no resolution has taken place you then have the magnet reverse its polarity again and the universe provides another opportunity for you to solve this negative crisis.
Jasmine… In other words, just the pushing or being pushed or disenfranchised away from the negative event is not the solution? It’s not the…
Seth… It never is the solution to the event.
Jasmine… Oh, so okay.
Frank… That’s a sense of being knocked on your ass by the event?
Jasmine… No.
Seth… You may be, you may not be, you may just walk away from it but in reality, you have been pushed away.
Jasmine… But nothing has been solved.
Seth… Correct, nothing has been solved and because nothing has been solved what have you learned the answer is again, nothing. One must allow for the fact that the push and pull of negative events allows you ample opportunity for study.
Jasmine… The push and pull?
Seth… The push and pull of negative events allows you ample opportunity for study.
So, the question arises which is better the individual who allows a negative event to bypass him or roll off his back or her back and studies that negative event and appreciates it and says yes to the universe is far better off then the individual who becomes annoyed or bothered or angry with a situation and fights against what is in reality a learning experience. One can then look back at anyone’s difficulties and see how often the universe has provided ample opportunity for you to “let go” of the problem.
Jasmine… You only let go of the problem if you study it, if you work on it.
Seth… You let go of the problem by not becoming, by not becoming enmeshed in it. No matter how difficult it is.
Jasmine… But you said the individual who allows negative events to roll off studies it and appreciates is far better of then the one who becomes angry and annoyed with the situation.
Seth… Correct.
Jasmine… So, in order to let it go you have to do some work, you have to study it, you have to look at it, you can let it roll off you, but you have to…
Seth… Studying a negative event is not participating in it.
Jasmine… Okay but you can still study, that’s not participating, studying.
Seth… Studying an event is not participating in it.
Jasmine… Okay.
Seth… When you make someone else’s difficulties your own Jasmine…
Jasmine… Right.
Seth… that is becoming embroiled in the event itself.
Jasmine… Right, I know that.
Seth… When you go ahead and study an event and try to understand it then of course you may deduce what the true problem is, what the nature of the event is itself…
Jasmine… When you just look at it and not participate?
Seth… And not participate in it, because once you are in an event, how good is your eyesight? How well do your ears hear? So, we will fall back upon the old statement and then I will have the man through whom I speak turn the tape over and I will continue, how good is it to let things go as compared to participating?
Jasmine… Well, it’s much better to observe.
Seth… Obviously, let us turn over the recording machine at this point.
Each of you has certain roles to play. If you think of the idea that humanity is a large team effort, there are individuals who seem to have more important roles than another…
Isabella… In the whole world or only in our own individual experience?
Seth… Either way, it doesn’t matter. But my question is this: when one looks at another’s role is it more or less important because it has power and authority connected with it? Each person’s ability helps to define their role. The Sumafi (Sumafi is a family of souls who tend to be interested in teaching.) or teacher has a role that provides a learning experience to others. Is that role more or less important than the politician who works diligently and has laws passed that enable others to benefit from his or her dedication to the electorate? Each of you unfortunately looks at roles and assigns them a value. Which is worth more, a cardiac surgeon or the bodega owner who sells sodas and milk? How does one compare and contrast these roles? One never knows where assistance comes from. How does one value another? These types of support systems are necessary if proper change is to take place.
Jasmine… You mean the various roles?
Seth… The various roles…
Jasmine… As the support system?
Seth… As your support system. It is easy to understand that to a child the parent is the most important role model that there is. It is exceptionally difficult to change in what you believe in when the parental model falls short.
(Said softly to Stephanie,) State that quote to William.
Jasmine… Hold on… in other words since we learn we may learn from a parent whose model is…
Seth… Say it loud, please.
Jasmine… Since we may learn from our parents whose model is deficient it’s very hard for you as the child to change what you believe in because you’ve learned from that parent and…
Seth… Not only what you believe in…
Jasmine… And you believe that what they showed you is the correct thing.
Seth… Correct.
When one evaluates another, do so without bias. Is the street cleaner worth less than the store owner? Is the parent worth more than the pilot? Each individual provides his or her unique abilities to any given situation. One must always endeavor to allow and accept the role of another.
Stephanie… I don’t understand where you are going with this.
Seth… Where have you been lost?
Stephanie… What does the role of another have anything to do with…
Seth… What does a role of another have anything to do with…
Stephanie… You know why are you saying this one’s value is more or less having to do with not getting stuck in a negative event? Why are you now rolling into, you know, how we judge one’s role?
Seth… You’re judging other’s roles.
Stephanie… Right, okay, judging other’s roles? What does that have to do with this?
Seth… When you assign a value to another individual…
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… you have made a value judgment as to their worth.
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Is it not true if you hold that idea of what their role is in high esteem their word is worth more?
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Now if their word is worth more are you not more likely to accept what they say as fact?
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Is that always true? The answer is, no.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… So that is partially where I am going.
Stephanie… Right, but…
Seth… Now, the idea is if someone who you hold in high esteem or should hold in high esteem…
Stephanie… Right let’s say a parent.
Seth… A parent and their actions to whatever is going on are deficient.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… It takes many individuals years or lifetimes to undo what they believe is correct. That the parent is there for them.
Stephanie… It takes who the receiver of the information to undo…
Seth… The receiver of the information… (Overlapping speech) or lifetimes to undo that fact.
Stephanie… To undo that the parent…
Jasmine… was deficient.
Stephanie… was deficient?
Seth… Or was deficient.
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… And therefore, if one knows immediately that the parent is deficient one must allow their actions to roll off their back and not participate in them.
Stephanie… Once they know what they are.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… Okay.
Jasmine… So that’s it goes back to the negative?
Seth… That’s how it falls back to the negative event.
Stephanie… Right, so if you no longer hold that person in any esteem, why would you bother with them?
Seth… You bother with them because it is not practical not to.
Stephanie… On what level?
Seth… There are many instances, for example, when you will go ahead and need for example to speak to a physician.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… Many physicians believe that they are closer to God and the All That There Is then the All That There Is believes it.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… And therefore, you may need their advice on one area, but you do not have to accept and hold in high esteem everything they say. Unfortunately, too many people do.
Stephanie… Right, but if somebody falls out of grace in that instance you go to another physician.
Seth… And there may be a possibility of not being able to, which is often the case.
Stephanie… So, you can’t go to another doctor?
Seth… No, not if you are very ill and you believe in physicians and you are stuck in a hospital, and you may not have an advocate for yourself. Although the individual is not a kind individual, he may be the only one you may be able to deal with.
Frank… What if you wanted an excellent surgeon and the surgeon is a bad person, are you going to go with the surgeon who is a good person and has no skills? You are going to go with the surgeon with the bad bedside manner.
Stephanie… Right, so that is not what we are saying though.
Frank… Parts of it is.
Seth… Yes, it is.
Stephanie… No, if you respect the individual it is still how they are effective.
Seth… No, respecting an individual, respect is earned.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… Not because of what they are.
Stephanie… Right but if they’re efficient or whatever that is what Frank is saying then you would respect them you don’t have to like them.
Seth… What are you not understanding about this, Kaetorina?
Stephanie… I don’t understand what you are saying if I am sick, and I need a particular doctor and they know what they are doing I don’t care if they’re a jerk.
Seth… Yes, you do.
Stephanie… I don’t want them to…
Seth… Yes, you do.
Stephanie… not to help me, if I think they are a great doctor.
Seth… You might.
Frank… Not if they put you down which they could.
Seth… And often do.
Stephanie… Oh, okay so they might personally…
Frank… And them putting you down might say to you, “Well, I’m not dealing with them.” But yet he may be the doctor who could save your life.
Stephanie… Yeah, well I’m not going to deal with him if he is completely putting me down and you know and cutting me into pieces.
Frank… You will (or should) if he is the top cardiac surgeon there is and he does a special surgery that you need. Yes, you are because it profits you.
Stephanie… Okay so how are we making this an analogy to my father?
Seth… Well, that’s the real question, we were waiting for you to get there.
Stephanie… How do we need? (Laughter.)
Isabella… (Speaking excitedly.) You didn’t need to beat around the bush! Why didn’t you just ask?
Frank… Because you need some medication! (Stephanie’s father is an excellent pharmacist.)
Stephanie… No, I am just saying, he is a parent, (Laughs.) for a minute. You know, so what are you saying? How would I need… So here, I’ve already offered the idea of you know for my children.
Seth… Do you have to deal with your father ever again?
Stephanie… Do I have to?
Seth… Yes.
Stephanie… No, I don’t have to.
Seth… Well, that’s incorrect, let’s try again.
Stephanie… Alright, well I am choosing to let’s just say for my children.
Seth… No, answer my question. Do you have to deal with your father at some point?
Stephanie… Yeah, I would have to.
Seth… Okay, so now that you have to deal with him, you have two choices: you may allow his abilities to roll off your back and not participate with him…
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… by stating your wants, needs and desires in a fair manner.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… Or you can participate with him and become embroiled in an argument and a tug of war.
Stephanie… Well, it depends if what I view is his participation… by seeing…
Seth… No, do not confuse the idea of very simply saying, “This is what I can do for you, you can accept it, reject it and that’s perfectly fine.” That is still allowing something to roll off your back but when you get into a tug of war with, you will go ahead with, “And you will be here at 12:00, you will leave at 1:15. You will go ahead and make arrangements to do this. I will not allow you to do that.” That’s a tug of war and no one wins, especially you.
Stephanie… So, what’s your point? I should allow him to come in for an hour and leave Tuesday night?
Seth… No. That is not a question of that. I am not telling you what not to do. What I am stating here is that the simplest of all ideas is this: you may state what is correct and necessary for you and the individuals around you. That’s not hard for you to understand.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… And if they can accept it, they will and if they can’t they won’t.
Stephanie… So, what you are saying is, I don’t need to present a whole whatever around it to get them to see my point?
Seth… No, you don’t have to get them to see anything. You have to allow in a conversation for them to understand your wants, needs and desires.
Stephanie… Okay, so I did that.
Seth… So, did you hear me say that you did something wrong?
Stephanie… No, but that’s what I think you are implying. You are saying that I had a tug of war with my father on my text messages. I don’t feel like I had a tug of war I was stating the facts.
Seth… If I had wanted to say that I would have been direct and said it.
Stephanie… So then what tug of war are you referring to?
Seth… Look at your question and…
Stephanie… Yeah?
Seth… First of all, you already have one session to type up.
Stephanie… Yes, I am aware.
Seth… Now you have two. (Stephanie laughs.) Now you have two, congratulations. This one will also be typed by you.
Stephanie… That’s nice.
Seth… Alone. (Stephanie giggles.) And since you have made diligent efforts to do nothing, I give you fair warning I will impose time limits should work not soon be started.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… Do you understand?
Stephanie… Yeah, I understand.
Seth… Keep reading.
Stephanie… So, what’s your point?
Seth… The point is simply this.
Stephanie… What tug of war are… if you are not referring to my text messages, are you referring to… what are you referring to? You’re stating that I have been in a tug of war?
Seth… No, you place yourself in a position of participating in a largely negative series of events. That’s a tug of war.
Stephanie… Okay, so…
Seth… You’ve stated your wants, your needs, your wishes, your desires.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… Now all of a sudden, your sister comes in and says a few things.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… Now, your mother comes in and says a few things. Now, Stephan comes in and says a few things. Now your father comes in says a few things.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… Do you not see this as back and forth? A tug of war?
Stephanie… Well, I don’t know, it stinks.
Seth… For who is going to give in first?
Stephanie… No well, you were the one who said, don’t leave it go, so I didn’t!
Seth… It’s not a question of leaving things go. It is a question of stating your wants, your needs, your desires.
Stephanie… Right, well if my sister had done something that I felt that was offensive then I am going to take offense to it.
Seth… You are trying to pick apart an incident, look at the larger picture. I’m not saying if somebody insults you, do not answer them. That is foolish.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Seth… What I am stating here is the simplistic idea of you have the right to say what you need to say. You should not then participate in the nonsense of what else goes on.
Stephanie… Right, well that’s why when I ended my conversation with my sister, I said let’s just not talk about this. Leave it go and…
Seth… And did you hear me make a comment on any of that this evening?
Stephanie… Well, no but I thought you were inferring.
Seth… No, no, no, it’s not what you thought; it’s how you tried to interpret my words. And if I had had a direct comment with you, do you think I am not manly enough, strong (Stephanie laughing.) enough, wise enough or diligent enough to slap you around and make sure you understood?
Stephanie… No, but you do beat around the bush sometimes.
Seth… In this instance there would be no beating around the bush because the material would have fit perfectly.
Stephanie… Right but so what you are saying is, is exactly what I experienced at the end of this phone call, I don’t need to, we’re not going to agree; it seems ridiculous to bring up this topic, so we are just going to leave it.
Seth… Correct and at that point we shall take a break.
Stephanie… Goodo.
Seth… Let us continue, are there any other questions.
Frank… How, what, how do you get less invested in the role and just…
Seth… Your role or someone else’s?
Frank… Actually, both questions because with yourself I know with me, I’ll make it more personal, I’ll look at another and say, “Oh! That’s the greatest thing.” And invest so much more in what another is doing and then not valuing self so I should maybe start with that question first.
Seth… The question is when you believe that a role is the give all and end all one tends to try to define themselves by that role or role model and if you limit that which is, you then do not appreciate anything else. So, you must redefine your belief system. Does that help?
Frank… You have to catch yourself doing it.
Seth… Eventually. I mean for example, do you want to ask a specific question about last weeks lecture as compared to this week’s lecture.
Frank… What are you getting at? (Frank laughs.)
Seth… It’s been clear to me all evening long. (Frank is laughing as is Stephanie.) Has it not?
Frank… I’m not going to ask what the next two things are if that is what you mean. (Last session Seth stated there were three things that make a person but only presented one and that was the idea of being committed. I was very curious about the next two and was hoping he would get to it.)
Seth… That is exactly what I mean.
Jasmine… That’s what I want to know too.
Frank… Why am I going to ask that when you yelled at me last week?
Seth… It is not a question of yelling at you. But it certainly gives you pause for thought.
Frank… I did think about it but I figured that you…
Seth… And that was a test.
Frank… What to think about at all or to ask?
Seth… Both, I was aware the second you thought it.
Frank… So, but okay, so it’s there and I let it go and I said to myself maybe ten sessions from now? (Last week’s session included private information including the fact that Frank tends to be overly analytical, examines things over and over and thinks in a very linear manner. Over the years Seth has recommended that Frank and any reader who may find that they too think too linearly, avoid this and effort to think more creatively out of the box. F.N.)
Seth… That’s not the issue. The issue is why the thought, because you are used to doing things in a certain straight forward manner. It’s called linear thinking.
Frank… Right.
Jasmine… I had the same thought.
Seth… (Seth looking at Jasmine and Frank laughs.) Would you like a little help with getting rid of that thought?
Jasmine… Okay, I’m listening.
Seth… No, it is something to do. (Group laughter.)
Jasmine… Oh god.
Frank… And it involves typing.
Jasmine… No thank you.
Seth… We’ll skip you.
Frank… (Seth looking at Frank.) Yes?
Seth… But do you understand it involves linear thinking? And this whole lecture this evening was to make you uncomfortable, and you were because you thought about it incessantly through your simple smiling throughout the entire first portion of this lecture and every time you did that was the thought. And you became very lucky that the person over there got embroiled… (Frank talking at same time as Seth.) that she’s typing it instead of you.
Stephanie… I didn’t get embroiled! (Seth made a noise with lips indicating his disagreement and the group laughed.)
Frank… What’s that?
Isabella… That’s funny.
Frank… What should I do other than stop with the linear thinking? I mean I have to think linearly. It goes in a row! (Group laughing.) I don’t know.
Seth… We are going to leave that alone.
Stephanie… Why don’t you type the second portion of this?
Frank… No, you need to do it without any help.
Seth… Let us pass this along, go ahead.
George… I was confused about the analogy made with the magnet in terms of it reversing its polarity the closer you get to it?
Seth… Does a magnet have a north and south pole?
George… Right.
Seth… So, if you are being attracted to something…
George… Right.
Seth… you are north the magnet is south, the magnet is one or the other. As you then approach that difficulty you tend to have to be pushed away by it because you don’t want to.
George… Okay but…
Seth… For example, I want a surgical residency, I have a surgical residency but I don’t like the people that are there, so I don’t like the surgical residency.
Jasmine… So, he was attracted?
Seth… And then repulsed and then pushed back and back and forth and back and forth. Did I answer the question successfully?
George… Yeah, maybe that analogy is wrong. (Light group snickering.)
Jasmine… Which one the magnet?
George… The magnet. If you are attracted to a certain pole of a magnet the closer you get to that pole the more you get attracted to it the more you get repelled from the opposite.
Seth… No, the magnet itself is changeable. The magnet itself is reversible.
George… Okay so the magnet itself is switching.
Seth… That’s what I said.
George… Another…
Seth… Go ahead.
George… It’s off topic I wanted to ask it last week, but we were out of time. It was, I am having a lot of issues with what’s kind of going on with my father and his personal life right now. I just wanted to ask Seth if there was anything else I could do other than what I am doing in terms of being more communicative with him or talking with him more often.
Seth… There is nothing you should do because no matter what you do you cannot solve the problem. So, if you are supportive and helpful the assistance that he receives is invaluable. Does that make sense?
George… Okay.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Frank… I’m having difficulty with the idea of not having had that thought.
Jasmine… Not having the what?
Frank… Like, why shouldn’t I have that thought? I then let it go.
Jasmine… Oh, the thought.
Seth… The thought is but the symptom of the problem.
Frank… Of wanting to examine.
Seth… Right. (I believe Seth snapped Jerry’s fingers.) Now congratulations. You may say congratulations Kaetorina I will do the typing.
Frank… Oh. Come on, no way!
Seth… Absolutely.
Stephanie… Oh, he’s doing the typing instead of me?
Seth… Yes.
Stephanie… Yippie!
Frank… I just got done with three sessions.
Seth… Now you have a fourth. Now, let me explain…
Frank… No, wait a second!
Seth… Let me explain this…
Frank… No… okay, you explain this.
Seth… Not… it is the thought process that you go through that allows your troubles to start. Do you understand this so far?
Frank… It is the thought process that allows…
Seth… Allows your trouble to start. It is the “what if”, the “why?” Not why is this occurring but why does it occur in this manner?
Frank… I ask why does this occur in this manner?
Seth… Always. And so therefore you are forced to examine, re-examine, over examine the idea.
Frank… If I ask… “why?” (“Why” said at the same time as Seth.)
Seth… That’s perfectly acceptable.
Frank… And then something will come to me.
Seth… Something will come to you but when you…
Frank… But when I have to make it very specific to why is it happening in this manner.
Seth… And why does this occur like this and why is this technique good?
Frank… Why does this occur in this order?
Seth… Or I’m going to use this technique to fit everything I can in here. That is a difficulty because it allows no room for change or growth.
Frank… (Long pause.) Is it analogous to the idea of the concept of placing a value on something?
Seth… Absolutely, it is clear…
Frank… On an activity.
Seth… Right. That is the point. In other words, this whole lecture this evening was set up to make you uncomfortable.
Frank… Was I?
Seth… Yes. (Stephanie giggles.)
Frank… I wasn’t all that in touch with that, I just was, I wasn’t in touch with the thought as many times as you were. I had the thought I remember once. I don’t remember the other times.
Seth… I do. It was clear.
(Jasmine made a motion; Frank began to laugh as well as others.)
Stephanie… What was that?
Jasmine… My neck hurts.
Stephanie… I thought you were having a heart attack.
Frank… In the comments section I’m going to have to write… Jasmine made a motion that was like a bird looking up to the sky. (Group laughs.)
Seth… It didn’t have to be in there until now.
Frank… Okay, so for right now that’s basically all I really need to hang on to and let it… that…
Seth… Let it go.
Frank… or go. Okay.
Seth… Is there anything else?
Isabella… Yeah.
Frank… (To Stephanie.) You’re welcome.
Isabella… So, for me to work on this idea of not equating being alone with being a loser, is the, how do I do that?
Seth… That is asking yourself the simplest of all questions; why does being alone mean I am a loser? And since it doesn’t then you’re not.
Isabella… How doesn’t though? That’s…
Seth… That’s what you must figure out.
Isabella… I’m asking for assistance here.
Seth… And I’m telling you, you have the answer already.
Isabella… Because I’m never really alone.
Seth… You will figure that out for yourself.
Isabella… Alright so I’m asking, ask question what… (Isabella is writing it down.) What is the question?
Seth… You will figure that out yourself too.
Jasmine… How does being alone make you a loser?
Isabella… Right, thank you. Thanks Mom.
Seth… (Is staring at Jasmine and the group laughs.) One more and guess who’s typing? (Laughing continuing.)
Isabella… I just snorted! (Laughing.)
Frank… Do you have any questions now? No? Come on. (Jasmine shaking her head no.)
Isabella… You know what I did have a comment, a question in regards to the idea of watching the parent in the respect of valuing and how long it takes you to change because that is what you have learned through your experience. If the parent changes or is in the process of re-evaluating themselves or in the process of changing themselves does that make it easier for you to?
Seth… It gives you pause for thought that if the person I respect can change why can’t I.
Isabella… Right because what I am finding with Mom’s working so diligently, I am like Wow, okay.
Seth… If she can I can.
Isabella… Yeah, because this, no offense, but I always felt that she was never going to be able to so the fact that she can…
Seth… Let me give you the best example of never can that you can understand at this point. A number of years ago Kaetorina was discussing the trust issue with me, and I said part of this trust issue will disappear the second that William will start to speak to the man through whom I speak. After her laughter subsided (Stephanie giggled) and said and I quote, “This will never happen.” I said, “Yes it will and sooner than you think.” What happened?
Stephanie… He loves Jerry.
Seth… I wouldn’t go that far but let us leave it at that. Do you understand?
Isabella… So that, right. But it does, you’re right, it does give me pause for thought, if she can then I can.
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… So that is inspiring for me.
Seth… Correct.
Isabella… So, is that why watching and living in the community at this point is purposeful?
Seth… Correct. Let me leave you with this: One must learn that even through negative occurrences acceptance is paramount to allow change to occur. Let the events flow away from you as river flows towards the ocean. Use support from all sources, you will find that your needs will be met, and your wants lessened. Stop linear thinking; appreciate whatever comes your way. Have a very pleasant week.
(Session ended 9:57.)
