Seth 381
Potlatch and on Being Generous
Tuesday July 29, 2008
8:45 PM
Seth… Good evening.
Group… Good evening.
Seth… A pleasure to have all of you here again. We shall start with a question. I am not sure that anybody will know the answer. There is a Native American word “potlatch” and the question here is do you have any idea of what it means? We’ll start with you.
Isabella… No
George… No.
Frank… Not anymore. I’m thinking succotash or something. (Laughter.)
Seth… No, not a clue.
Stephanie… Which culture did you say?
Seth… Native American.
Stephanie… On, no, I could guess.
Seth… Well. Go ahead go guess, see if you can get it right.
Stephanie… I don’t know I am thinking some kind of you know, herbal plant…
Seth… Yeah, let’s move along. Betty, do you have any idea?
Betty… No.
Seth… No. The basic idea is generosity.
Isabella… I was thinking potluck. That’s what I was thinking potluck.
Seth… And we will look at this in terms of our idea of change. We will get to that idea where it sums up a great deal of interest in terms of where you should be going. Each of you and we shall go around carefully has shown bad habits. Some of them are minor, some of them are major and therefore we shall look at the idea of bad habits.
What do you think is the most difficult or worst habit that there is, is?
Isabella… In my life or in general?
Seth… In general.
Isabella… The worse habit that people have?
Seth… Worse habit that people have.
Isabella… Um, giving into negativity.
Seth… Pass it along.
George… Persistent self-delusion.
Seth… Go ahead.
Frank… I don’t know, the thing that came to me was allowing others to do most of the work.
Stephanie… Being judgmental.
Seth… Betty?
Betty… (On phone.) Coming from work, addiction.
Seth… Repeat that please.
Betty… Addictions.
Seth… Addictions. Well, it’s nice to know that none of you have a clue.
Isabella… Picking on others?
Seth… Might be. You can leave that out whoever types this session. (Left it in, FN)
The worst habit that individuals have that retards change is the idea of becoming too hard on yourself. Now where does this lead? When an individual is too hard on themselves, they view themselves as inferior and in doing so they prevent change. When you do not feel that you are living up to your own expectations you tend to let events pass you by. When you let events pass you by and you do not participate in those events you will find yourself becoming stagnant. You also will find that those who tend to be harsh on themselves become angry. They become annoyed and easily upset over trivialities. They routinely obsess on one point over and over again. Their inability to handle these incidents makes them a victim of not only themselves but of the event itself. The man who obsesses about work who is in fear that he is not appreciated or not doing an adequate job literally becomes part of his own problem. His inability to function outside of his cubical atmosphere, he makes himself into a cube and he puts himself inside it, so the cubical atmosphere becomes toxic. He literally breathes the air of despair.
One cannot change if you cannot see past your own difficulties. Individuals of this nature have usually grown up in an atmosphere of intolerance. They become emotionally and mentally stagnant. Their harsh reality permeates their very being. To alleviate themselves of these difficulties they will usually focus on a specific outside form of enjoyment or play. They are consumed with a singular attitude that becomes pervasive and again causes this individual to exclude others from his influence. The husband who becomes obsessive in this manner will constantly seek outside enjoyment such as going to the gymnasium, fishing or any other sporting event that can be done by himself. The wife who finds herself in the same position is overly conscious of beauty. She will obsess on the latest fashion trends. She will seek surgeries to improve her looks. Yet in both instances our male and female is so hard on themselves that they cannot and will not change their patterns of behavior. They usually point fingers at everyone else and blame the others for their own victimization of themselves. They are so enmeshed by their own ideas that they will sacrifice money, a marriage, a child to obtain what they believe are their just deserts. To these type of individuals, it matters not what others feel, think or desire. Their primary concern is with themselves. They are often repetitious in their interests, common comments such as it is my lifelong dream to… No matter what praise is heaped upon them they feel that they are not deserving of such praise. They have great difficulty in taking a compliment when they know that they are not worth it. They are willing to sacrifice happiness to alleviate their own despair. These individuals seek to foster their misery upon themselves and then blame others for their unhappiness. When change occurs, it is with great reluctance that these individuals who are so hard on themselves accept the “new order”.
We started tonight’s session with a Native American, “potlatch”. Change occurs when you are generous, when you open yourself up to the needs of others. It is the encouragement that one requires to face the difficulties of a different perspective on the reality that you yourself are making. One must be able to deal on a day-to-day moment-to-moment basis with the variables of physical plane existence. The individual who is so hard on him or herself shuts out all but the simplest changes. They are true believers in the status quo. Native American children were taught and encouraged to share that which they have with others, but they are also taught to share their ideas about events. The elders encouraged freedom of expression yet when a decision was made that affected all each individual accepted the decision and worked diligently to promote that specific course of events. The individual whose habit is to be harsh on themselves cannot do this. They tend to fall back on their old ways. They refuse to see, understand, or accept a different way! They are so concerned with themselves that they routinely ignore the welfare of others. These individuals are very concrete, to quote a very old expression, “There is a place for everything and everything has its place.”
Each individual must take a step backwards and cast off the yolk of the routine. One must embrace the difference between today and tomorrow. These type of individuals do not deal well with disappointment. They take it as an insult to their very being. They do not understand that not everything can go their way. Disappointment is a personal affront to their very being. They resent that which they cannot obtain easily. Their job does not fulfill them no matter what their salary. They routinely create voids about themselves. They cannot and will not process that which disappoints them. They adopt the immediate victim role and relish with the idea that once again the universe has slapped them in the face. They commonly put their faith and trust in someone who does not deserve their blind obedience to that individual’s will. The other often becomes a surrogate parent who will disappoint them just as their own parents have done. They seek to analyze where they themselves have gone wrong in their relationships with others. They do not have many friends. Most would find it difficult at best to define the word friendship. Since they do not like themselves the fear of failure surrounds them. The world is difficult at best. These individuals embark upon a quest for self-satisfaction which never arrives.
Change is avoided since they cannot and will not look at themselves. They believe they are being generous to everyone or anything other than themselves. They are disappointed with the quality of their lives. The husband or wife or child or children, their home, their status is lacking in one way or another. Therefore, I most hardly recommend that each of you takes a step backward and looks at themselves and ask yourself the following question: How often am I too critical of what I am?
I believe at this point we shall take a break. (9:24 P.M.)
Seth… Let us continue: How many of you during our break decided to take a small, medium or large step backwards and look at yourself? I would hardly recommend that to all. Are there any questions?
George… Assuming you are one of these people who are very hard on yourself.
Jasmine… Talk right into the mic. (Some giggling.) It’s really hard to hear people (on the recording.)
George… Other than stepping back and looking, involving the fact that you are one of these people that are critical with themselves, how do you stop or start to change your perspective of yourself?
Seth… When you take a step backward the idea is to first examine tht which you’ve seen about yourself. When you recognize some or all of the difficulties as I have described them you then must review if you will the events that lead you to this position. What was your family life like as you were growing up? What don’t you like about yourself? Why does the world disappoint you? Is it not true that you commonly feel that you were robbed of your rightful place? You then must learn to enjoy the natural order of things. Are you capable of seeing beauty? Can you relax and meditate, or must you be constantly on the move? Can you take enjoyment in the success of others, or do you feel that you were robbed once again. In our step backwards we must learn to reevaluate that which we hold sacred. We must make an effort to force ourselves on a different path of enlightenment. We will give to others generously and when we do, we will find that we will have more than we started with. We will look at ourselves and learn to state I tried the best that I could. I know that I cannot succeed in everything, but I am proud of myself for learning to try. I will learn to put others’ needs ahead of my own wants and I will learn to enjoy my own failures. These are the first steps that I will take as I step backwards from the abyss of disappointment. Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… So, in the first six pages where you described this individual who you said was incapable of. What makes you think they could do that?
Seth… What makes you think they can’t?
Stephanie… Well, the way you described it; it looks pretty hopeless.
Seth… I am describing what these people do routinely.
Stephanie… Right, so if they do that routinely what makes you think that they can do this?
Seth… Because they are routinely unhappy.
Stephanie… Right, so the colossal change that it would take to accomplish this…
Seth… Let me ask you a question…
Stephanie… how would that be?
Seth… Well, let’s stop.
Stephanie… So, yeah.
Seth… Let me ask you a question…
Stephanie… It looks bleak.
Seth… When you have a patient who is routinely bothered and upset by things that they do, do you say this bleak, boy that is really terrible?
Stephanie… No, but I don’t write six pages of what sounds hopeless.
Seth… I am describing what is so you have a patient who is miserable, who is upset, who has spent years being unhappy do you turn to that patient and say you’re really a miserable person, you are so unhappy I don’t know how you can live?
Stephanie… No!
Seth… Well, that’s what you are saying here.
Stephanie… No, that’s not what I am saying.
Seth… So please tell me why you should be a therapist?
Stephanie… The way you are saying it…
Seth… I am not saying anything…
Stephanie… Yes, you are.
Seth… it is the way you are interpreting it.
Stephanie… Well, did you not say that they did not have the ability etcetera, etcetera?
Seth… I said until they take a step backwards.
Stephanie… So how would they have the ability to do that is my question?
Seth… Is change instantaneous?
Stephanie… No, I know it is not instantaneous.
Seth… So, I believe that as a therapist you have now failed… miserably.
Stephanie… How would this person take a step backwards?
Seth… By doing so.
Stephanie… And so how would they become aware if you have already described that they cannot look at themselves?
Seth… By becoming so unhappy that they say what is wrong?
Frank… Why is somebody coming into therapy when they do?
Stephanie… I don’t know. I am not saying that they fit into this category.
Frank… Mostly your patients, many of your patients are just like that, some of them are even worse. They come to you or us and they are now reevaluating that. That in itself is the opportunity to step back. And in fact, you are helping them do that, right?
Stephanie… Yeah.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Let me leave you with this: Nothing is hopeless unless you truly make it so. Relax, enjoy, be generous, accept what you must. These are the qualities that will allow you to fulfill your needs and lessen your wants. A pleasant evening to all.
(Session ended at 9:48.)
