Seth 385
The Triad Personality
Tuesday September 16, 2008
8:45 P.M.
Seth… Good evening: pleasure to have all of you here. As it should be noted a master psychic has decided that she would like to lead the session this evening so I shall gladly pass the microphone over to her. Now I strongly recommend, Jasmine, that you not only write down what is dictated to you, but you also will then take careful notes. Whether it is to be printed out or not, you will get far more by doing the actual physicality of doing this than if you do not. So therefore, without much further ado we shall allow our microphone to be passed to Kaetorina who shall for the most part lead a great portion of this session.
Stephanie… Okay. So, I had a private session with Seth. It was actually about a patient, but he then went into what is related to expectations and he talked about the idea that when there are unrealized expectations it causes this Triad Personality to form.
Jasmine… Alright, slow down, when there is unrealized?
Stephanie… When there are unrealized expectations, it causes what is called a Triad Personality to form. So the diagram to understand it, first you are going to put the word “Expectations”…
Jasmine… Where at the base of the triangle?
Stephanie… Up on top, let’s say.
Jasmine… Oh, it’s an upside-down triangle.
Stephanie… Yeah, well don’t do the triangle first. First you are going to write the word, “Expectations”
Seth… Write that word in the middle of your paper.
Stephanie… Okay and you are going to put arrows going to the left and the right of the word. Then below it…
Seth… In the middle.
Stephanie… You are going to make a triangle with the word “Love” on the left.
Frank… “Expectations” is above love?
Stephanie… So below “Expectations,” go down like two, three lines, put “Love” on the left and then go over on the same line and put “Hate”. Okay and you are going to at the bottom of it to form a triangle the word, “Anger”.
Frank… Now arrows face either way?
Stephanie… The arrows are going to be connected in between, you know from “Love” to “Hate” with the arrow going in both directions and you are going to connect “Love” to “Anger” and “Hate” to “Anger” and put arrows in both directions. And then from the left side of “Love” you’ll put an arrow going to the left and the right actually of “Hate”, goes out both ways. Okay? And to the left of the “Anger” you can put an arrow out to the left and just say “Self”, write “Self” and then to the right of the “Anger” put an arrow and that would be “Others”. So, it works in both directions.
Stephanie… So, Seth was using the idea of children and parents, I think that it was helping me with my father and relationship to that in helping me to work this all out. So, the idea was that when you have an expectation that is unrealized for example the hope that a parent will love you…
Frank… Hang on a second… okay.
Seth… Betty, are you getting this?
Betty… Oh, yeah. (Betty is on the phone.)
Frank… The hope that a parent will love you…
Stephanie… in a certain fashion.
Frank… Right.
Stephanie… And then you experience the idea that they do not; this is going to give you the first portion of the triangle, the explanation of the “Anger”. So, the first portion of this anger is, “Why don’t they love me?” That’s with the anger going into the love portion.
Frank… Anger which means they don’t love me?
Jasmine… Anger going to love?
Stephanie… You see in the triangle?
Jasmine… Yeah.
Stephanie… Right, so that, the individual experiences, let’s say the child…
Frank… That’s the self.
Stephanie… experiences anger about, “Why don’t they love me?” That’s the first question the individual, the child would ask. The second portion of the anger is going up to the “Hate” let’s say which is, “I hate them because they don’t love me.” (Long pause.)
So, the idea going back to the “Expectations” is that the more the child experiences both of these ideas the larger the void so the larger the space goes between the “Love” and the “Hate” for example and the more suffering with a depression.
Jasmine… Alright, the more the child experiences both of these, the “Love”, “Hate”, “Anger”?
Stephanie… Yeah, that gets wider and wider. In other words, the more the child will say, “Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they love me?”
Frank… And this is in terms of expectations?
Stephanie… Right, because they are unrealized expectations; they’re thinking that their perception is that the parents should love them in a specific manner.
Jasmine… Right so the more they experience both of these the further the “Love” and the “Hate” moving the triangle?
Stephanie… Right.
Isabella… So, the triangle becomes larger and larger.
Stephanie… Right and the anger will move further down because the anger gets larger and larger.
Isabella… So, it’s separation between the “Anger” and the “Love” and the “Hate” get larger?
Stephanie… Right, em hmm.
Isabella… So, it is a growing tripod.
Stephanie… Em hmm.
Jasmine… Triad.
(Stephanie and Isabella repeated) “Triad.”
Jasmine… So, the whole triangle expands.
Isabella… With every time their expectation is unrealized?
Stephanie… Yeah.
Isabella… It gets bigger and bigger?
Stephanie… Yeah, because that’s the point if the child is looking for a certain response from the parent and it doesn’t happen…
Isabella… Every…
Stephanie… then the anger portion, “Why don’t they love me?” and “I hate them because they don’t love me,” gets more and more and more.
Jasmine… So, the triangle in a sense goes like this? The triangle goes like this? (Probably showing the triangle.)
Stephanie… Yeah, the whole thing has to become bigger because the anger is the whole, is what is operating.
Jasmine… Every time their expectations are unmet? Unfulfilled?
Stephanie… Yeah, what their perception…
Isabella… Unrealized.
Stephanie & Jasmine… Unrealized.
Stephanie… And the “Anger” also in terms of the “Self” and the “Others” where you have written that, that would make sense as well because the “Anger” gets worse and worse. If your perception is that they don’t love you then you become more and more unworthy so the “Anger” there, angry at “Self” and of course anger at “Others” becomes greater and greater.
Isabella… Now why are you angry at yourself? Because you feel you are unworthy?
Stephanie… You’re not lovable, that you are bad.
Isabella… Em hmm.
Seth… Which of course is another way of describing Depression.
Stephanie… Which is interesting because it doesn’t have to be, I was talking to Seth about it, the idea when you think of Depression you think of not getting out of bed, sad, crying, all of that but…
Isabella… Anger is depression.
Stephanie… Right, but…
Isabella… Well, anger is depression turned inward.
Stephanie… Right but you don’t typically (Isabella talking,) stereotypically and even clinically in my practice or whatever it is you don’t necessarily see depression manifested just with anger. In that sense, when somebody is just in a rage that’s really depression, “I hate them,” so they loathed themselves.
Isabella… Em.
Stephanie… So that’s the premise of it so should I go into and read the…
Seth… You are doing very well.
Stephanie… Okay, but you want me to read this.
Seth… Oh, word for word, let them take notes.
Stephanie… Okay, we ready to start the…
Seth… Whenever you’re ready, I will make my little additions when necessary.
Stephanie… Okay. So, does everyone understand the Triangle pretty well?
(Group answered, yes.)
Okay, So I will read it, slowly.
Isabella… You better. (There was laughter.)
Stephanie… The idea of expectations that this individual has caused this Triad Personality to form.
Frank… So just a little bit slower than that.
Seth… And you complain about how I speak. (Laughter.)
Frank… He was waiting for that too. This the first time doing it.
Stephanie… Okay, got that?
Frank… Yep.
Stephanie… It is an ingrained physical plane biological need that children automatically…
Seth… Notice the word should be underlined, please.
Stephanie… Yeah, well Jerry has that in his notes.
Seth… The word, “need.”…
Stephanie… Okay, but I have to okay.
Seth… The word, “need” should be underlined.
Frank… need that?
Stephanie… that children automatically love their parents.
Isabella… That they feel that they need? Is that what you said I am asking you?
Jasmine… Well, it’s a bio…
Stephanie… It’s need, you just do.
Jasmine… It’s a biological…
Stephanie… It’s a biological need that you have.
Frank… Absolutely.
Jasmine… When you say, “Biological” that seems to be coming from physiological, is that what you mean?
Frank… When you think of all the bonds it’s… (a biological need.)
Isabella… Em hmm.
Stephanie… When a child clearly finds it necessary to hate their parents this is due to the fact of unrealized expectations upon their part. In other words, the parents fall short in terms of providing that which the child “believes” that they ought to receive. The greater the perception of failure that the child has the greater the dis-ease…
Seth… Make sure you tell them where the paragraphs are.
Stephanie… Okay… that accompanies the failure. Since the child believes that they should have parents who love them unconditionally the failure to do so produces anger on the part of the child.
The first portion of anger is, “Why don’t they love me?” The second portion of anger is, “I hate them because they do not love me.” The anger works in both directions. The greater dis-ease of the situation…
Jasmine… Greater the disease?
Seth… DIS-ease. (Dis-ease refers to earlier Seth concept of the unease one can feel as opposed to the idea of illness.)
Stephanie… the greater the underlying depression becomes. It is masked due to the “hatred” of the situation, the greater the dis-ease the greater the anger at the parents due to the fact that the “Void” that has been created encompasses the difficulties that the child has in expressing their displeasure with themselves. The child cannot understand how it is possible that their parents do not love them. The despair that surrounds those feelings encompasses as a driving force to their inappropriate actions.
Jasmine… Whose?
Seth… The child’s.
Stephanie… The internal question becomes, “Can they love me even if I am truly “bad”?” (More discussion on where quotes go etc.)
Seth… Close quote. There should be a question mark at the end of “bad.” Now a new paragraph.
Stephanie… Their behavior due to the depression… (Stephanie’s cell went off.) Is it my family?
Seth… Go check.
Isabella… Can I ask you a question while she is checking?
Seth… Of course.
Isabella… Does the Triad, not the Triad. Does the individual in relationship to the unrealistic expectations have to be a parent figure?
Seth… You’ll see when she continues to read on.
Stephanie… Okay, so new paragraph. Their behavior due to the depression over this area gives rise to more hatred or lack of the proper return on the parent’s part. Of course…
Frank… Hold it a second.
Jasmine… So, either the behavior causes more hatred on part of the child, or the behavior causes lack of the proper return from the parent?
Stephanie… Well, the child acts out so incredibly much because they are so miserable and angry…
Jasmine… So, they can’t stand them even more.
Stephanie… Right.
Jasmine… So, it’s like a vicious cycle.
Stephanie… Em hm. That’s why the arrows…
Jasmine… Yeah, em hmm.
Stephanie… the anger goes to others. Okay, where did you stop?
Jasmine… “On the parent’s part.”
Seth… You will notice that when I stop, and it gets confusing because the going back and forth and yet you are just reading; I point that out to you. (Stephanie laughs and says, “Okay.”) Master psychics often have that problem.
Stephanie… There you go. Of course, the child never realizes they are driving their parents away. The actions of the child are meant to force parents to love them even though the child is “bad”. Anger leads to depression and anger that also leads to a “pointing of a finger” towards someone else. That is why the “Anger” portion leads away from it with two arrows; it is not a single unit. Therefore, the obligation of the “therapist” is to first discuss and get the “child” to look at their hatred.
What are their (the child’s) true expectations of their parents and are those expectations reasonable? The way the “therapist” should approach this is to ask the question.
Seth… By the way put “therapist” there in quotes, please. (Frank is giggling.) That does not necessarily mean what you do but even as a friend who is acting as a “therapist.”
(The telephone answering machine had gone on before and there was a beeping and discussion on shutting it off.)
Stephanie… If an individual is obnoxious to you, is it your obligation to truly love that person?
Jasmine… Em.
Seth… Interesting to note that all the light bulbs just went off, (Stephanie laughs,) or on in the case here.
Stephanie… For example, if someone spits on you is it your obligation to love them even if the person who spits on you is a brother or sister? Is it your obligation to love them since they are so obnoxious?
Seth… Is that beeping annoying you, Jasmine? (Jasmine responded but it was difficult to make out.)
I understand that.
Jasmine… Since they are so what?
Stephanie… Since they are so obnoxious.
Jasmine… Why are you crying?
Isabella… Just let her finish.
Stephanie… The routine answer should be, “No, you are not, but your expectations to love a brother or sister are still there.” Is it then necessary for you to change your expectations as to who and what your brother, sister, aunt, cousins or parent is since it is necessary to change your expectations as to what they are? The degree of hatred will then lessen.
Jasmine… Why? You realize that it is not your obligation to love them?
Stephanie… Your expectations have now changed as to what they are.
Jasmine… See, what I am trying to write, I’m not taking anything in, it makes no, I don’t even follow what the whole thing, I would be much better off listening.
Seth… No, you would not because the fact of that matter is that in three days with a quiz you would fail. You must have a point of reference to go back to. That is your lackadaisical attitude…
Jasmine… You’re wrong.
Seth… No, unfortunately it has been proven time and time again that you do not incorporate things just by listening.
Jasmine… Go on.
Stephanie… The degree of hatred of will then lessen. You may not like or may disapprove of what they do but the understanding of what they are will allow you to love them for what they are and or capable of giving. If you then understand your expectations your need for anger on both sides, depression portion and finger pointing portion must lessen.
Seth… I believe at this point we shall take a break. I suggest small to a medium amount of discussions upon what you have just heard and then I will give a number of highly salient points to make matters a little more murky in some instances, a little clearer in others.
Break taken.
(The Triad Personality is a very important concept involving a number of ideas. In a communication with me on June 14, 2019, Seth reminded me that his material is very layered as is true for The Triad Personality. The group is about to return to this concept many years later with an emphasis on Anger and Acceptance. Seth explained that the anger portion is of great importance and that anger has a direction, meaning it points at what you are dissatisfied with. Anger also can have a positive or negative direction. A positive example would be to know what you are angry about which would dictate the correct amount of anger to be and what the action in response might be. Examples of negative anger might be lost in rage or becoming extremely angry over something that does not merit it. While reducing the Expectations will reduce the void and anger portions in our triangle the Anger itself if understood and acceptance is employed would help change the Expectations portion. In terms of The Triad Personality being a “thing” like a wound or a void created by the parent/child dyad Seth stated that every situation has a beginning, a middle and an end. It is hoped that the above makes The Triad Personality concept clearer. F.N.)
Seth… Let me continue. One of the major ideas that I must get across here is simply this: If you could imagine that your portion of the Triangle, the “Love” to “Hate” ratio if you will, can expand or contract. One, and the end of this is significant here, if you have an expectation that your “loved” one is capable of giving you let us say 85% of what you desire from them, but they are only giving you 20% then your expectations lead to hatred for the unanswered 65%.
Frank… The balance is expectations…
Seth… For the unanswered 65%.
Jasmine… So already you are not even expecting a 100%?
Seth… No one can give you a 100%.
Jasmine… Oh, okay. So, 85 would be pretty good.
Seth… Now, if you will read or reread the end of my little mini-lecture to Kaetorina once you realize that they are only capable of giving you 20% of that which you believe you should have, or desire should have or desire then it becomes necessary for you as an individual to change your expectations of who and what they are. To carry this thought further once you understand that they cannot give you more then they are capable of or willing to give you, your void between love and hatred is automatically diminished and your anger that is produced because of the void is also lessened. One does not become depressed when one’s expectations are met. One does not finger point and get angry at someone else…
Jasmine… One doesn’t finger point?
Seth… Finger point, anger has a sense of direction that is where the reference of the idea of finger pointing comes to be.
Jasmine… One doesn’t finger point or become angry at someone else?
Seth… At someone else when they are meeting your fair expectations. It should be noted that the more one meets your expectations the greater the likelihood is that they will continue to give you more and more. Simply put, a wife who asks her husband to stop at the grocery store to bring something home for her or the family and is met by our wife with true appreciation for that simple fact will find it impossible not to “want,” put want in quotes there, to please her again. So that our husband who never went grocery shopping will eventually start asking his wife, “Do you need anything? Can I stop off and help you?” It is the idea here, of feeling appreciated and cherished for what you are giving. The void is lessened, the anger diminishes, and the loving intensity automatically grows.
When one works at improving any situation there has to be an agreement between two individuals. When one individual says I am not going to do anything then of course there can be no agreement but when one individual agrees that yes, we should work together for an improvement in a relationship lets say, it is the small little steps that one takes that amount to a massive change. We shall deal with small steps at a later time.
Stephanie… Right but are you saying that in the relationship with my father, you are saying that…
Seth… If your father was truly willing to work to improve his relationship with you…
Stephanie… Right, okay then this would occur.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… But if not?
Seth… Then it stays where it is.
Stephanie… Right so then this isn’t about your being appreciative…
Seth… No…
Stephanie… If something falls on deaf ears and they could care a less…
Seth… You still do not understand; you are trying to fantasize in what you are trying to do here in terms of meeting an unrealistic expectation. If my father did this and if he did that, would it be better? See that is what you are trying hard to say and that of course is not possible.
Stephanie… But how do you know when someone has the ability…
Seth… Everyone has the ability. Do they choose to use it?
Stephanie… Okay so that’s the issue then, it’s whether they choose to try.
Seth… Yes, but that is not the point that I am making here. If you don’t choose to try, you going to get nowhere.
Stephanie… Okay and there are people like that.
Seth… Absolutely.
Stephanie… Okay, because if they don’t believe in themselves, if they are selfish, if they are self serving…
Seth… Correct, they will pick it up in another lifetime if they have to.
Stephanie… Okay so you are saying the people who might be open to and aren’t just self serving that if you can appreciate that will move them and then you can have a back-and-forth situation.
Seth… Correct.
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… Yeah, I have another one. Where you stated in the private session the idea that you then would come to loving them in some fashion based on whatever, I don’t know, based on whatever they can give but I don’t understand if your expectations cannot be met at all what part are you loving?
Seth… No one’s expectations should they choose to have a relationship with somebody are never met. That’s not possible. For if somebody does not meet any of your expectations, zero, you will automatically not want to deal with that person and you will walk away.
Stephanie… Okay.
Seth… It is the friend who is always critical, who is jealous, who is obnoxious to you who spits on you, do you want a relationship with that individual?
Stephanie… No.
Seth… Therefore, your question does not follow through.
Stephanie… Okay, so again same thing as before, it’s only the ones who can participate and are willing to, would like to try to make something…
Seth… There are individuals whether they be parents, brothers, sisters, lovers, wives, husbands who do not choose to get along with another person. They don’t choose to get along with them, it doesn’t matter what the other person does.
Stephanie… Right, but when you have to adjust your expectations because of them you’re not necessarily left with embracing and loving whatever they, whatever is left.
Seth… Of course, you are because they can’t give you anymore at that particular point of reference so you will learn to love them for what they are.
Stephanie… Okay, but…
Jasmine… When you stop thinking that there is something missing in you that is causing them to behave that way.
Stephanie… No, I understand that but if you were going to relate it back to my father’s situation again, what am I loving him for?
Seth… Whatever he would do that pleases you.
Stephanie… In this…
Seth… No, it is not in this. You are looking for a specific answer.
Stephanie… Well, what am I going to love my father for?
Seth… If he decided to have a proper relationship with you.
Stephanie… Okay, that’s not what I am saying. Right, if he decided to try.
Seth… But again, you’re dealing with an individual who upon your value system of judgment gives you zero.
Stephanie… Right.
Seth… Then you don’t have to deal with him.
Stephanie… Right, okay, doesn’t apply, okay.
Arthur… But part of adjusting one’s expectations is sometimes to remove oneself from…
Seth… From that situation, of course. One adjusts, Arthur, as one needs to.
Are there any other questions?
Frank… Um, no, well, I have questions that are outside of session, so we’ll stick with session first.
Seth… Go ahead, Frank.
Arthur… Well, it’s related to session.
Seth… Go ahead, Arthur, pick up the microphone and speak loudly.
Arthur… When I had the experience a few years back of going along the road and suddenly bursting into tears and pulling over, pain in my shoulder and forgiving my father, it came seemingly out of nowhere to me, I, it seemed like a moment of grace, I forgave him, but I don’t even know what I am asking you, sorry. It’s like I still forgave him, but I know that my expectations of him, I don’t know where I am heading to.
Seth… Well, when you…
Arthur… How does that filter in, how does that dovetail all of this?
Seth… When you understand what you are asking, I can answer a question. I am not going to… (Arthur speaking softly perhaps in acknowledgement.)
Frank… The one thing in particular about this material that I am trying to get a handle on is the difference between the ideas of what somebody is capable of versus…
Seth… That’s not your decision. You will know what they are capable of automatically.
Frank… Versus what they…
Seth… are not capable of.
Frank… choose.
Seth… Or not capable of.
Frank… What they are capable of is the other side of what they are not capable of?
Seth… Right and that is what you are confused with the idea of what they choose to give you. If they choose not to give you…
Frank… Right.
Seth… 65%, they are not capable of giving it to you.
Frank… That’s a different not choose though than what I am thinking.
Seth… It’s all the same.
Frank… I could be aware of what they are capable of giving. I am aware of this 65%?
Seth… No, you’re aware of the 20% they’re giving you. You want 65% more.
Frank… I want, right. Now they may be capable but choose not to or they may just not be capable. There are things that one…
Seth… It matters not, same ending.
Frank… It seems to me it matters if someone is trying versus not trying.
Seth… No, no, no, when someone is trying…
Frank… Right.
Seth… with you to accomplish something but they don’t have the ability…
Frank… That’s different!
Seth… that is what the confusion on your part is.
Frank… Right.
Seth… It’s not that they are not choosing to give it to you, they may not have the ability to give it to you.
Frank… Right.
Seth… There’s your answer.
Frank… But my trouble is…
Seth… You don’t have to find an answer. You have to know what they are capable of giving you. That’s the end of the discussion. There is nothing more to analyze. There is nothing more to look at.
Stephanie… Again, it’s still your expectation that they might be capable of giving 85%. It’s your expectation; it’s not that they can actually produce it. You’re only getting 20 because that’s all they can but you had an expectation that they thought they could give it.
Frank… But I am also thinking in terms of, you know what, I could give you this but it’s not that important for me to want to give it to you, so I am not going to. So…
Stephanie… It’s not capable of; if they are not invested, they don’t care.
Frank… That sits very different than the pure inability. What about the choosing of withholding? I choose to withhold this but maybe I am angry at you for not giving me what I expect.
Seth… Then you will work out a relationship with that person. Again, you have to think about this, this is not something you can deal with. Yes, Jasmine?
Jasmine… Well, what I was thinking of, would you say that over the course of time my expectations of my mother and sister but more importantly my mother have changed so that when she wanted to go to my sister- in-law’s for the Jewish Holidays instead of being with us, I wasn’t that hurt because I have come to understand that that’s…
Seth… You have lessened your expectations to some extent with her.
Jasmine… So that’s why it didn’t hurt me so much.
Seth… Correct.
Jasmine… Okay, and that’s how I am dealing with them right now, both of them.
Seth… Because you have no other…
Jasmine… I’m not expecting anything really. I really am.
Seth… Not quite factual.
Jasmine… No, I don’t really expect anything.
Frank… I have a seminar coming up on Monday regarding straight meditation, different ways people can learn to meditate. I don’t know at this point how well attended it will be, it may or may not be, but it seems that perhaps this area for me as someone who is attempting to teach is not being profitable.
Seth… Because you use it incorrectly. You look at meditation as to getting every answer to every problem that the universe will provide it. Well, you forget that you create your own reality, you’re responsible. Therefore, meditation should be used as a study guide, as a relaxation technique to open yourself up so that you may perhaps receive some information that is necessary for you. But even if it just gets one to relax, to enjoy the beauty that surrounds them, it is highly profitable.
Frank… Now, if I truly understood that and lived that, would then people come?
Seth… Not necessarily but that matters not.
Frank… So, at some point if they weren’t coming why would it make sense for me to continue in this vein, then perhaps it is…
Seth… Because you enjoy it.
Frank… If three people come and I enjoy it, then it is worthwhile.
Seth… Correct. If no one comes and you enjoy it is worthwhile.
Frank… If no one comes then there is no one to teach.
Seth… But you can teach yourself the value of not being disappointed. Are there any other questions?
Stephanie… I just wanted to ask quickly about Natalie, she went with her homework, how do I know when she actually needs my assistance or if she is being lazy.
Seth… Well one must assume that a child who has difficulty would tend to be lazy because they don’t want to push themselves. So therefore, let me see what you can do.
Stephanie… Okay and then I do that, and she gets easily frustrated or doesn’t want… that’s the point if she is now getting further frustrated because she doesn’t know how…
Seth… When you sit down with her, and she automatically does it without a problem did she know? Or did you have to teach?
Stephanie… I had to assist her with some stuff.
Seth… Then she’d required the assistanc, but do not do the work for her.
Stephanie… But is it, sometimes I feel like she is just not being quiet in thinking.
Seth… Maybe possible but you will have to determine that. No one can give you that answer.
Stephanie… Right, so, I just have to kind of trial and error with her, yeah.
Seth… Let me leave you all with this: The Triad Personality, when left unrecognized must increase your wants and your needs will magnify. A most hardy good evening to all.
(Session ended at 10:05 P.M.)
