Seth 396
Roads to Misery, Clinging to Entitlement and Its All Personal
Tuesday March 10, 2009
8:40 PM
Seth… Good evening, a pleasure to have all of you here with me this evening. Under our subject of change we will label this lecture and if necessary, others, The Ways to Misery.
The first path may be called “cling to entitlement”. Let us be truthful, each of you know that the world owes you not only a living but the pleasures that you so desperately seek. It is interesting to note that most individuals truly believe that they are entitled to whatever they want whether it be friendship, money, a home, a reasonable job and last good fortune. One must take note here that individuals who cling to their sense of entitlement delude themselves into believing that they do not have to apply any effort in order to achieve that which they seek. The problem with a popular book entitled The Secret plays upon the fears of individuals who desire something for nothing. The idea of not having to work to achieve one’s goals causes individuals to become lazy and dependent upon others for their own happiness. This occurs because of the fact that their family and friends choose to bypass their wishes since they receive nothing in return for their efforts.
Jasmine… Can I ask you a question? “The idea of not having to work to achieve one’s goals causes individuals to become lazy and dependent upon others for their own happiness.” That I completely understand, I understand the connection to The Secret. So, this occurs meaning the dependency and laziness? Yes?
Seth… Yes.
Jasmine… If “this occurs because of the fact that their family and friends choose to bypass their wishes, whose wishes?
Seth… The individual who is…
Jasmine… Wants to be lazy and dependent.
Seth… Correct.
Jasmine… Choose to bypass their wishes since they receive nothing in return for their efforts. They bypass their wishes because the family…
Seth… In other words, for example…
Jasmine… Well why would any family encourage laziness and dependency?
Seth… It’s not a question Jasmine, of encouraging laziness. You are aware for example in your existence that you quite often ask the man through whom I speak to do things for you when you could have easily done them yourself.
Jasmine… Correct.
Seth… Do you believe that he was disenchanted with you due to your laziness?
Jasmine… Yes.
Seth… Then I believe that you have answered your own question. (There was a good deal of back and forth here until Jasmine understood.)
To put it in a simpler term, if you believe that you are entitled for someone to become devoted to you when they choose to place their own priorities ahead of yours you as the person who feels entitled becomes angry and further pushes away the others. A clear example of this may be seen with the actions of your mother Paula. Has she taken command of her own physical well-being yet she is annoyed and bothered that you and other family members are not there to assist her. Her actions clearly demonstrate…
Jasmine… She did sound angry.
Seth… She makes demands that are unreasonable. If you look back through the history of this past month and a half you will see the demands for what they are.
Now, the second example of this is clearly seen by Isabella’s refusal to understand friendship, loyalty and generosity. She is perfectly willing and certainly feels entitled to demand assistance from all those around her. When the assistance is given and Isabella profits from that assistance, she is not grateful for that assistance. When the need is reversed Isabella feels entitled to promote herself over another individual who asked for, or required her aid.
This clearly demonstrates that when an individual believes that they are entitled to receive that which they desire they are perfectly willing to forgo loyalty, friendships and love since they are unable to promote a sense of bonding with other individuals. When one believes that they are more important than their surrounding souls it is quite easy to foster the erroneous belief that nothing matters but you/themselves. In reality these individuals enjoy misery and are chronically unhappy since they cannot function without a sense of entitlement! It is interesting to note that these individuals constantly complain about how others do not fulfill their needs. In reality they are not fulfilling their own needs since they are unwilling to work/create that which they truly desire.
Our second road to misery may be entitled Its All Personal. It should be noted that this is especially true with family and friends. These individuals look for and find reasons to be hurt, disappointed, frustrated, angry, bothered with their compatriots. Let us be reasonable we all know that the others that surround you are truly not there for you. These individuals observe every action; dissect every word that anyone says in the attempt to find hurt in whatever was said. The idea of constructive criticism has no place in their lives. The second one attempts to criticize or correct a statement of theirs or their behavior anger ensues since they know that you were looking to hurt them in any way that you can. Even when they have made an error these individuals first look to blame others and second attempt to explain away their failings by whatever means possible.
Their families often are so cautious around them since they never know what will set these individuals off on a path of anger. Their family and friends debate amongst themselves on how to react to their problems, so the question arises, how does one help an individual that knows it is not their fault and that you are looking to denigrate them? This is one of the reasons why these individuals have great difficulty in forming and maintaining true friendships. The idea of what can you do for me is very important to their concept of life on the physical plane. Since it is all personal these individuals give no quarter to anyone who attempts to criticize their belief system. One must understand that these individuals enjoy the pain that they inflict upon themselves due to the fact that they are unable and certainly unwilling to listen let alone understand what others are attempting to do. Their misery is compounded by the fact that they are alone with themselves, they hear others speaking behind their back, they never know or understand what true friendship/family, relationships mean. They cannot and will not allow themselves the luxury of enjoyment. These individuals often say, I am having fun, but it is you who have destroyed my day, it is you who makes me feel the way I do. You are the cause of my feeling badly, and my ruined plans. These individuals would rather blame others than even look at themselves.
Their misery at times is so intense that they choose to victimize others rather than change themselves. These types of individuals chronically believe that they are always innocent and that they could become happy if only…
We will continue next week on our way to misery, and I believe at this time we shall take a break.
(9:21PM)
Seth… Let us continue. Since we are going to continue this next week, we will move directly into our question and answer session. Are there any questions?
Frank… I wanted to ask about addictions, in particular having to do with my patient, Dorthey, whose whole family including her has entitlement issues. I have a sense of using the idea with addictions of breaking the ties that bind but I was looking for more understanding in this area particularly with her.
Seth… First one must understand the word addiction. Basically, it is a physical and or mental necessity. Therefore, one may be addicted to anything. That addiction of course may be positive or negative. An example here is Jasmine’s addiction to exercise. One’s addiction may be viewed as positive or negative. What someone enjoys to an excess no matter how profitable may be viewed as an addiction.
Jasmine… You are not saying that I am addicted to exercise, are you?
Seth… I was waiting for your comment. Obviously, that was my humor. (Jasmine laughed.)
Now, does that give you a hint Frank as to what to do?
Frank… I understood that but I guess the idea of focusing on the negative if it causes you this pain then why do you do it? (There is some back and forth here along with Seth kidding by repeating Frank’s words slowly as Stephanie continues to adjust to her role as typist.) But what I really have trouble with is the fooling of self, the lying and then the not knowing how to help the person.
Seth… Let us move backwards here. If I were to ask you what your job as a therapist is how would you answer.
Frank… To help people figure out where they are at, how to promote themselves and to help them to get back on track.
Seth… If that is the case, then you already have your answer to your question.
Frank… Then that is what I should be doing.
Seth… That is what you should be doing in terms of any patient. If a person is doing something that is inappropriate, harmful, is it not your responsibility to ask questions along that line?
Frank… Yes.
Seth… Well if it is your responsibility it seems that you need lessons in how to be a therapist and the reason I state this is if a person came to your office and was smoking four packs of cigarettes a day and was complaining that his significant other chose not to be near him or her because of the smell your first concern would not be for him to take a shower, your first concern should be his health and well being in order for you to understand why it is necessary for him to smoke as much as he does. The question here is simple, the idea that you must help your patient to figure out is why the addiction and what does it mean. It is not the symptomatology which is where you get lost but the camouflage system that is in place that allows the symptomatology to occur. Do you understand?
Frank… Yeah, I understand but it gets more complicated than that.
Seth… It is not more complicated than that.
Frank… Okay. (Frank understood. Throughout the years Seth’s dealings with “so called therapists” as he would call us was steadfast and strict. Asking the correct questions to allow patients to think in order to find their own answers has been stressed over and over. This methodology stimulates the patient’s own growth and development while allowing free-will. After many years I still fight the urge to give answers instead of ask questions! F.N.)
Seth… Any other questions?
Frank… (Frank asked if anyone else would like to ask a question but they deferred.) I’d like to be able to help my son Zak with the idea of direction in terms of what he wants to do and become or even what to do over the summer as a job, but I don’t want to influence him, and I would like to allow him to fail.
Seth… First, that is a lie.
Frank… The “fail” part?
Seth… Yes. You are not speaking you are going to listen. It is a lie because if you truly were growing and were giving him the gift of failure you would not have asked the question. The reason is simple. Why is it even necessary for you to aid, assist if you are going to give him the luxury of failure? Would it not be more profitable for you to sit down and have a simple discussion with him and then illicit his feelings on these questions? How would you have enjoyed your parents pushing you into becoming an accountant? (Interesting that my father did push me into accounting and fortunately it did not work out well! This I commented on as it was never said before, and Seth said he was aware. F.N.) That is what your question really asks.
Frank… My problem was not knowing to elicit feelings and I felt like I was allowing him to or watching him flounder and it feels like I’ve abandoned him. And I was not being competent enough to be able…
Seth… You were trying to be a good parent instead you ended up or would like to end up being a horrible one.
Frank… I would like to be… I am pushed and pulled in both directions and am and was lost.
Seth… No one likes to see their child have difficulties of any sort. The tendency for most parents is to push a child in a direction. Sometimes of course that may be the profitable thing to do and even if it is the child resents the parents for doing so. Clear examples of this are easily seen with adults who play musical instruments and were forced to practice by their parents. Many of these individuals are very successful musicians but the anger is still there. Did I answer your question?
Frank… Yes. My difficulty is I would like to allow the failure but what I do instead is withdraw as opposed to your concept of eliciting the feeling and then I could be there.
Seth… Are there any other questions?
Let me leave you with this. The ways to misery have many roads. When you embark upon any of them you magnify your wants, your needs are left unfulfilled, and the idea of change becomes difficult at best. A hearty good evening to all.
(Session ended at 10:00 PM)
